“Literally cash?” he asked, eyeing the envelopes.

“That’s right.”

A pause.

“Oh. I assume you’ll want your own lawyer to go over the documents before we finalize everything?”

I hadn’t thought of that; I looked for a way out that would not make him suspicious, cause delays.

“Our lawyer is out of town at the moment, and we want to get this finished up as quickly as possible. We did locate him by telephone, and he told me what to look for. Maybe if I could take a look at the papers now....”

“Certainly, please come this way.” He led me into a small, even darker office with a heavy desk, a wooden swivel chair for him, a straight-backed chair for me, and rows of undusted law texts on undusted shelves behind him. He handed me a file, and I started to read.

It couldn’t have been simpler. It was just a transfer of ownership, including the deed, no mortgage, no interest rates, the boundaries of the property all outlined and guaranteed in a surveyor’s report, and a short list of what went with the place, including the fridge and stove.

“It seems clear enough,” I was saying when Mr. Chapman appeared at the gate in the outer office. “He’s here now,” I told the lawyer.

He was fifteen minutes late. I kept checking my watch, concerned that I should be back before the children got home from school. If I could no longer offer them love, I could at least be punctual, I thought.

“I’ve had a look at the papers,” I said. “Everything seems to be in order. I’ve got the money here,” and I indicated the brown envelopes, “so let’s just sign these things and get everything wrapped up.”

Both of them seemed stunned when I handed over the money. They counted it out in piles of ten hundreds each, and I think neither of them could have seen so much cash in one place before. They stared at it. I hadn’t seen anything like it before either, but it didn’t matter to me; it was nothing but a means.

I didn’t get away until almost four o’clock, by which time I was irrationally furious with them for the delay. It meant the children were already home by the time I got there. I hugged them and listened to them, gave them all my attention, and when Stephen came home I was exhausted. I had to be so careful to give no sign that tomorrow would be different.

I told them I planned to go shopping the next afternoon; I would telephone the woman next door to see if it was all right for them to stay with her until I got home. “It’s nice to see you getting out,” Stephen said quietly, and the sadness, the hope of that came the closest of anything that night to making me cry.