Finally he cleared his throat and very quietly now and gently, began. “Abra, there’s one other thing. I didn’t know whether I should tell you or not, but I think I have to.” A deep breath. “Your folks died six months ago in a car accident. It wasn’t their fault, it was some kid in the other car who didn’t even have a licence yet. Stole his dad’s car. I couldn’t find you to let you know. I’m sorry.” He put out his hand to cover mine. I was startled to see that mine had begun to tremble, that he still had the tenderness to try to help. Not hate. I could not speak.

I was still a child. I felt abandoned, hollow inside, nothing there but a huge gasp of air. I had not given them a thought here, but for them to be gone, out of reach ... they took that first life with them and I had no past at all. There was no life remaining, only this one, and for the moment it did not seem enough.

So much alone. I could say nothing to Stephen. I was too hollow for words. There was so much silence.

After a while he said, “Well then,” and stood abruptly, pushing the chair back from the table so that it fell onto the floor. He looked startled, turned to pick it up and there was a pause. “Well then, I guess there’s nothing more. Is there anything you need I could send you up from the city?” He was leaving politely, like a guest instead of a husband. He thought I didn’t care, and I had no strength to tell him.

“No thank you, that’s very kind but I have everything here.”

“So it appears.”

We walked slowly, almost reluctantly, to the door and then on into the clean spring air. For some reason we both stopped and breathed it deeply, as if the air inside had gone stale and foul.

“Well, Abra,” he said, turning, and he was smiling, the same kind of smile I imagine Katie had when she was explaining to her friends that her mother was “gone,” so that I felt sad for him and for me and again wanted to put my arms around him for comfort, but knew better. “I guess that’s it, then.”

We went on. I thought I would see him to the top of the lane, so that I could watch him leave, know that he was gone. Suddenly he stopped once more and turned to me, insistent again, desperate with the last chance.