Even in the half-light, there was nowhere to hide from Mrs Hart’s directness. ‘I can’t face another goodbye.’ Lou said. ‘It’s too painful.’

‘If you don’t, you will both live to regret it.’

‘I shouldn’t. It will only confuse –’

‘What is meant to be will be, Louisa. You, of everyone, must know that. But you also know that sometimes fate needs a helping hand.’

Out in the hall, Lou stood before the Christmas tree. Fresh candles had been placed in the branches. Presents wrapped in ribbons were arranged beneath the boughs. Tomorrow morning, the candles would be lit, and as they burned bright, those presents would be handed around. Lou held her wrap tight around her neck. She would see none of it.

A crippling pain caught in her chest. It was a physical pain, which she felt in her very core. She would never see him again. Once she left this house, Tom would be gone from her life. Even now, she found it hard to picture his face. He was slipping away from her like a figure in a dream.

‘Go to him,’ Mrs Hart had said. Never had she wanted to follow an instruction more. But she shouldn’t interfere. She should slip away from this family and leave them to whatever the future had in store for them. She closed her eyes. For once in your life, don’t overthink a decision. Trust your instincts.

On the upstairs landing, Lou stopped at a door. A shadow crossed the light beneath. She knocked twice. The shadow came back. A key turned in the lock. The door opened, and Tom stood before her, framed by lamplight. He had removed his jacket and tie, and his collar was open. He was holding a book.

‘Lou?’

She began to shake. Speak, damn it. Speak! ‘Sorry … I didn’t mean to disturb you. I … I just wanted to say goodbye.’

‘Goodbye?’

‘I’m leaving tomorrow, you see. Very early. I wanted to say goodbye before I go. That’s all. I’m sorry.’

‘Come in.’

‘I shouldn’t, it’s not right. If we’re seen …’

He stepped aside. ‘Come in.’

34

Lou stood beside the hearth, trying not to look around and disturb Tom’s privacy any more than barging into his room in the middle of the night already had. He closed the door, placed his book on the washstand, and stood before her with his hands in his pockets.

‘What do you mean you’re leaving?’

‘I’ve had news from home. I have to go away.’

‘Will you return for New Year’s Eve? Mother puts on a wonderful Hogmanay meal for a few close friends and family.’

Lou shook her head.

‘Oh, I see. When are you leaving?’

‘Early tomorrow morning. I’m being met before sunrise.’

‘So suddenly? Will you have time to say goodbye to Mother and Charlotte?’

‘I’ve written to each of them to explain. Would you tell them I’m sorry I couldn’t say goodbye in person?’