“Felicity…Mrs. Portman…I understand your concern,” she said in an even, practiced tone. “It might ease your mind to know that I have a degree in criminal justice, and after completing training at the police academy, I spent four years on the beat as a patrol officer. I had a perfect score on my promotional exam to become a detective. I’ve cracked numerous high-profile cases. I’ve paid my dues. Now if you would like me to turn this case over to a certain disheveled, cigar-chomping detective in a rumpled raincoat, I’ll see what I can do.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean—”

“Don’t worry, Felicity, I get it all the time.” She smiled and gave my arm a squeeze, then turned to leave. “Oh, just one more thing…” She spun around, brow furrowed, scratching her head.

“Yes?”

She winked. “Just a little Columbo humor for you.”

After shooting me a reproachful look, Oliver escorted Detective Montgomery to the door. I couldn’t face my family waiting in the living room as the full impact of her report belatedly sucker-punched me in the gut. I crashed to the floor, back propped up by the cabinet. When Oliver found me slumped over, sobbing, he knelt beside me.

“Hey, you okay, honey?”

I shook my head. I would never be okay. Not until Vera was home safe. “I can’t, Ollie. I just can’t.”

“Can’t what?”

“Can’t go through this again. Last time it was unbearable…the wait…to find out if it was her. And what if it is? I can’t accept that she’s gone.”

“You heard what Detective Montgomery said. It’s probably not her.”

“But what if it is?”

“If it is…then we take it one day at a time.”

I whipped my head back and forth. “No, it can’t be her. I know she’s still out there alive. I feel her, Ollie. A mother knows these things.”

“I believe you. And I believe Vera will come home.” He held me against him, pressed my face against his chest until I could hardly breathe. For a moment I wished he would suffocate me, put me out of this revolving door of misery. Then the moment passed. Vera needed me to hang on. For her.

“Do you want to lie down?” Oliver asked.

I blinked slowly, my eyelids begging to close. “No. I just need a minute.” I couldn’t rest. Not until Vera was found. Not until I knew for sure. I pushed myself up, with Oliver lifting me, and followed him into the living room. The muted conversation paused as I entered, all heads turning toward me.

“I know you all think I’m delusional,” I said to the room. “Clinging to a false hope that Vera will come home soon. But I can’t give up faith in that. I need to believe it, even if it’s just a lie to myself.”