He sat in his recliner, the one no one else was allowed to sit in. “They’re gone, kiddo.”

Gone? That made no sense. They had just been here, Mom high as a kite, me screaming at her that I wished she would just die and go to hell, Dad yelling at me not to talk to my mother that way, Mom screaming that she was going to whup my ass, the baby’s hungry cries the backdrop of our screaming fits until one of us finally gave up and walked away. It was always me. But this time it was Dad…taking the baby with him. Now he was home, minus the baby and Mom.

“I don’t understand. Where are they?”

Tears pooled in his eyes, his shoulders slumped defeatedly, and suddenly I felt panic. Something had happened while he was gone.

He patted his lap for me to sit, like I’d done countless times as a girl.

I slowly walked to him and sat. He hugged me and wept.

“I’m scared, Dad.” I didn’t know what to think. Only a dark brooding feeling that my wish had come true. That my parting words to my mother—we’d all be better off if you died and went to hell—had come to pass.

“It’s gonna be okay.”

“Daddy, what happened? Please tell me.”

“Your mom…died, kiddo. We made it to the hospital but she OD’d. Nothing they could do. The drugs she had taken…it was too much. But when you use like she does, the stuff eventually kills ya. I’m so sorry, sweetie.”

I didn’t have any shock left in me. Only relief. “What about Mom’s…body?” I asked, dreading the answer.

“Oh, uh…the hospital’s going to take care of her cremation. I can’t afford a real funeral, honey. The hospital said they’d give me the ashes in an urn at some point.”

“But what happened to the baby?”

He wiped his face dry. “I gave her away. A really nice lady has her now. From the looks of her car, mighty rich, too.” He took his wallet out from his back pocket and opened it for me to see several bills, bills I’d never seen in real life, all fifties and hundreds.

“She’ll give her the life she deserves so that I can give you the life you deserve. I can’t raise a newborn. But with just you and me, we’ll be okay. You can understand that, can’t ya, kiddo?”

The emotions swirling inside me were so convoluted I didn’t know what I was feeling. Sadness. Anger. Grief. Relief. Pain.

Lots and lots of pain.