I hold my head high and leave school.

It’s only when I’m on the R train home, tucked away in the corner of the train with my head ducked low, that I allow myself to cry.

Maybe I should have gone somewhere else. Somewhere that wasn’t home. The world is taking a shit on me today, and I should’ve known better.

Anam is sitting on our doorstep when I arrive, and when we meet eyes, anger roars to life in my chest again. I can see Ma in the backyard, talking to Mishti Auntie as she waters the plants woven through our mutual fence, so I decide not to say anything. The last thing I want is for my parents to be involved in this.

Anam doesn’t seem to share the same reservations. “Apu, Rosie said—”

“Rosie said, did she?” I say darkly, stepping around her to jack my keys into the lock, my hand moving in abrupt, jerky moves as I open the front door. “I’m so glad you two are still talking to each other behind my back, while simultaneously ignoring me.”

“What about us?” Anam protests, tugging my arm. I don’t look back, instead shoving the door open with a shoulder. “You’ve been ignoring us for months. We’ve been trying to tell you, but you never listen!”

My fingers clench around my keys, the metal digging into the skin of my palms. “I have always listened to you, Anam. When Ma and Baba ignored you, I always sat down and heard you out. I always fought on your side. But when it matters, you won’t fight on mine, will you?”

“What is your side?” Anam pushes her way in front of me as I take off my shoes, nearly hurling them onto the ground. “Is it the side where you leave us all behind and finally be happy in California?”

“So what if it is?” I ask, setting my jaw as I pull off my coat, throwing it at the rack. I walk into the living room, but Anam is quick on my heels.

“Do you even hear yourself?” Anam asks, following me all the way up the stairs. “You’ve put California on such a pedestal, and for what? How do you know you’ll be any happier there than here? Yeah, Ma and Baba won’t be there, but neither will we!”

“Maybe that’s better!” I say, turning back to her right as I approach my door. “Why would I want to be here when you all talk behind my back? You, more than anyone, should get why I want to leave so bad!”