When she’d arrived at the railway station in the middle of the night, it had been because she’d seen no other option for herself. She’d expected Milly to refuse to help (and she wouldn’t have blamed her), and even when it had become clear that Milly did intend to help, she’d been convinced that their friendship would never return to the way it had once been. But now here they were giggling like children and arguing over which shoes Milly should wear.

Nicole took a sip of tea, feeling relief and gratitude, ignoring the ever-present niggle of guilt. A few weeks ago she hadn’t been able to even imagine what her future might look like, but now she’d been given a glimpse of what might be possible.

It wasn’t only Milly’s friendship that had changed things, it was the fact that she had remained anonymous here. Every morning she woke and expected to find a horde of photographers camped in the bushes, but so far all she saw when she peeped cautiously out the window were birds and red squirrels.

She’d started the morning runs as a way of helping Milly, but now they were the best part of her day.

But deep down she couldn’t forget the fact that she had decisions to make, big decisions, and for the first time in her life she had someone else to consider.

She rested her hand on her abdomen and thought about the baby. She felt ridiculously protective.

Yes, she was scared—terrified might be a better word—but she was also excited. Her panicked thoughts about how she’d cope, and what sort of mother she’d be, were interspersed with tantalizing images of a different life. Family life. She’d never really had that and had never been able to picture it for herself, but she could picture it now. She would have it now. And she was determined to give her baby all the things she hadn’t had. She imagined being there when her child took their first steps, getting up in the night to soothe them after a bad dream, reading together, playing. She imagined being there for every parent–teacher meeting, for every school performance, however small. She was going to do everything differently from her own mother. She was going to create a stable and loving home for her child.

But she was all too conscious that those ambitions didn’t fit well with her present life.

She couldn’t be present for a child while she was taking one project after another. When work sucked up all of her time. Equally importantly, she didn’t want to expose her child to the circus that was her life.

Something had to change, and she was still figuring that part out.