“Here we go again,” said Sally. “The eternal good-guy-versus-bad-boy debate.”

“Not at all,” said Annie. “I suppose I’d just be attracted to someone more spirited, someone like John Browdie.”

“He was an oaf!” exclaimed Gemma.

“And a chauvinist,” said Maeve.

“I’m not saying he’s my ideal man,” said Annie. “But if I had to choose a man from this particular book, I would choose Browdie over Nickleby.”

“I can see that,” said Sally. “He was a good-natured realist.”

“Exactly,” said Annie. “Plus, I think he’s kind of beefy, where Nicholas I imagine to be a bit scrawny.”

Maeve chose this moment to clear her throat loudly.

“Speaking of beefy,” she said, and Gemma began to giggle uncontrollably and leaned across to top up Annie’s glass. Maeve rustled around in a bag she’d brought in with her and pulled out a box. She placed it in the middle of the table. The clear plastic window of the box revealed a large dildo in shades of pastel peach. Annie and Sally stared. Gemma continued to giggle.

“Open it!” chivvied Gemma.

“Me?” Annie asked.

“Yes, you,” said Maeve. “It’s a gift. For hosting the book club. We wanted to get you something practical.”

Sally was grinning and showing all her teeth.

“Were you in on this?” asked Annie.

Sally shrugged.

“Maybe,” she said. “But Maeve made the choice since she’s the expert in these things.”

Since Annie hadn’t made a move to open the box, Maeve did it for her, pulling the rubber phallus from its casing and waving it about.

“Here,” she said, pointing to a suction pad on its base. “It’s got one of these.” She licked the suction pad and smacked the dildo down hard so that it stuck to the center of the table. “There,” she said. “You’re welcome!”

“Thank you?” said Annie. “Why does it need a suction cup?”

“So you can mount it,” said Maeve as though Annie were stupid. “You know. Go on top. Ride it!”

Annie held her hands up to stop any further explanation.

“Right,” she said. “Got it, thanks.”

“But not necessarily on a tabletop,” said Gemma.

“Safety first,” added Sally.

The dildo stood to attention, leaning ever so slightly to the left. Maeve reached over and squeezed its tip.

“You see, it’s got give,” she said. “Like a real one.”

“Firm but pliable,” added Sally.

“In my experience, realism is best,” Maeve continued. “I’ve tried all sorts of dildos; solid, smooth, ribbed, knobbled, but you can’t beat an authentic-feeling one.”

“Maeve, are you sure you weren’t in the porn industry?” asked Annie, strangely unable to take her eyes off the rubber willy stuck to her freshly sanded table.

“No such luck,” said Maeve. “Just a long time single.”

“I prefer the term synthetic penis,” said Gemma. “Dildo sounds so coarse.”

“You old romantic.” Annie laughed.