She stared at the vacant horizon, willing away the emptiness inside her. Emptiness had always been her companion. If she cleared her mind and ignored the loss, if she forced the memories away, then she wouldn’t have to feel anything. She wouldn’t have to worry about her sorrow overwhelming her.

The sea breeze nipped at her nose and cheeks with the chill of the autumn morning. She rested her hands in her lap, realizing she still held the letter and ring. Running her finger around the band, she traced the ring. Why had Joseph sent it to her when he knew she didn’t want it, didn’t want to remember Sarah. Was he trying to tell her something?

Maybe he’d written his explanation in his letter. She could only guess that perhaps he was encouraging her once again to grieve her losses instead of ignoring them.

Was Joseph right?

She slid the ring down her finger. Perhaps she’d buried her feelings for so long that she wouldn’t allow herself to feel anything, not even love. Was this why she’d so easily thrown away her relationship with Joseph?

Aye, something was there betwixt them. She’d felt things with Joseph she’d never imagined possible. But had she ignored the feelings and walked away from him just as she had other people and situations when the emotions became too much to bear?

She held out her hand and studied the ring. Maybe she needed to allow the pain of Sarah’s death as well as her many other sorrows to finally come to the surface.

“Oh, Sarah . . .” she whispered, forcing out the words she knew she had to say. “I’m sorry. So sorry. I wanted to save you, tried to save you, but I couldn’t.”

Her eyes and throat burned, and a frightened part of her wanted to stuff the burning back down, deep inside. And yet could she admit that holding in her emotions had failed to make her life any better?

“Patience,” she continued, “I’m sorry I had to leave you behind, that there wasn’t more I could do to help you.”

Hot tears slid down her cheeks. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d wept. But now that she’d started, she let the tears fall, let the pain come out—the pain of all the children she’d cared for but lost, the pain of never having Twiggy’s love, the pain of being rejected by society, the pain of having to leave her family behind, the pain of struggling in an unfamiliar land, so far from home.

The pain of losing the man she loved.

Aye, she loved Joseph. She hadn’t wanted to, but the truth was obvious now. She loved him deeply and passionately. And she’d gone and let him sail away without her.