She closed her eyes tightly to ward off the unwelcome thoughts. She didn’t want to think about Twiggy right now. She wanted to think about Joseph. Their relationship was special, wasn’t it? It was different from her mother’s illicit relationships. Joseph cared about her, desired her, treated her with such tenderness. They’d even become friends.

Yet the more she tried to justify the passion of the kisses she’d shared with Joseph, the more the reality of their stations—their very different stations—rose like a thick fortress wall that couldn’t be scaled.

All she’d ever be to Joseph was a shipboard diversion. Perhaps he hadn’t set out to kiss her any more than she had him. She wanted to believe he’d meant what he said about saving himself for his future wife. But she supposed their close proximity, their shared sorrow, their budding friendship had all led to this moment.

“Mercy.” His whisper was strained. “You have my highest regard and affection—”

She stopped his declaration by pressing her fingers against his lips. “Don’t say it.”

His eyes were the rich velvety brown she loved, made darker with a flood of his desire. It would be so easy to lose herself in them, to lose herself to him.

He started to speak again, but she cut him off by pushing away and scrambling to her feet. “We’ve got no future together beyond this voyage. We both know it.”

He stood and braced his feet apart to keep his balance against the swaying ship. She grabbed on to the top bunk beam to prevent herself from toppling against him. Next time she ended up in his arms, she wasn’t sure she’d be able to make herself break away.

“Tell me you don’t feel something too,” he demanded hoarsely.

She wanted to deny him, deny her feelings, but his eyes begged for honesty. “Aye, you’re right easy to like. Too easy. But we can’t—I can’t—that is, I won’t be giving you favors.”

“Devil be cursed.” He thrust his fingers into his hair. “I meant what I told you. I don’t want favors. I’d sooner be hung from a gibbet.”

“Then what do you want from me, Joseph?” The question was a daring one for a woman like her. But she couldn’t hold it back. She needed to know what he really wanted. Why did he bother with her at all?

He gripped the back of his neck, kneading his muscles.

She found herself holding her breath.

“I don’t know,” he finally said and dropped his arms in a posture of defeat.

Her breath slowly eased from her, along with a low burn of disappointment. She shouldn’t be feeling let down, not in the least. She ought to be satisfied with friendship, which was more than anything she deserved from a gentleman like Joseph.