Back A Private Function
Chapters (21)
  1. Cover
  2. Landing Page
  3. A Private Function
  4. CONTENTS
  5. INTRODUCTION
  6. The Old Crowd
  7. CAST
  8. A Private Function
  9. PREFACE
  10. CAST AND CREDITS
  11. Prick Up Your Ears
  12. PREFACE
  13. CAST AND CREDITS
  14. 102 Boulevard Haussmann
  15. CAST AND CREDITS
  16. The Madness of King George
  17. PREFACE
  18. CAST AND CREDITS
  19. About the Author
  20. Also by the Author
  21. Copyright

RUFUS   Oh, I don’t think anybody’s going to starve.
Under the table, Glyn is creeping on all fours towards Stella. He reaches her, takes her foot and removes her shoe, putting it inside his jacket. He takes a small pair of scissors from his pocket and cuts away the stocking round Stella’s big toe.

BETTY   (out of shot) Talking of starving, George, look after people.

GEORGE   (out of shot) Oh yes. More pudding, anybody? More pudding, Pauline?

PAULINE   (out of shot) Well, just a little – it’s delicious … Not too much.

GEORGE   (out of shot) Sue?

SUE   (out of shot) I’d love to, but I mustn’t. Really.

GEORGE   (out of shot) Stella?

STELLA   (out of shot) I won’t if you don’t mind.

RUFUS   (out of shot) Have you heard about these holes?

BETTY   (out of shot) Holes? What holes?
Glyn puts his scissors away in his pocket and starts to suck Stella’s toe.

RUFUS   (out of shot) There are these holes that keep appearing. Opening up in places. One in Camberwell yesterday, apparently. A couple last week near Norwich. Happening all over. Bristol. Dundee.

OSCAR   (out of shot) Sabotage?

RUFUS   (out of shot) Who knows?

BETTY   (out of shot) How big?

RUFUS   (out of shot) Varies. Cardiff one was two hundred feet across.
We cut back from Glyn under the table to the guests.

GEORGE   Cardiff? I know Cardiff.

RUFUS   Cardiff. Everywhere. Being hushed up, apparently.
Glyn appears from under the table. He proffers her napkin to Stella.

GEORGE   They hush everything up. If they can.
The doorbell goes.

INT. HALL. NIGHT.

Harold opens the door to admit a distinguished figure in a long overcoat, homburg hat, smoking with a cigarette holder. Mr Gregory looks perhaps like a leading actor. He is followed by a homely, rather stout lady. He carries a very expensive-looking attaché case. She carries a large canvas grip. Mr Gregory gives Harold his card. Harold goes to bolt the door while the arrivals look round.

INT. DINING ROOM. NIGHT.

OSCAR   And that’s another thing they’ve hushed up – rabies in Burgess Hill.

BETTY   Oh, how depressing!

OSCAR   Four cases in the past week.

GEORGE   Once that kind of thing gets a footing –

RUFUS   Spreads like wildfire.
Harold has entered, and whispers to George. He rises, nodding significantly at Betty.

GEORGE   Excuse me a moment. Something rather special. Betty will explain.
He leaves the room with Harold. Betty looks disconcerted.

BETTY   No, George – you … we must tell them together.

STELLA   Tell us what together?

OSCAR   Secrets – secrets!

PAULINE   I love secrets.

RUFUS   Give us a clue.

INT. HALL. NIGHT.

George greets Mr Gregory.

GEORGE   Mr Gregory – you found us. This is so good of you.

MR GREGORY   This is Mrs Brookstone. Mrs Brookstone is my acolyte.

GEORGE   We thought this room – if it’s suitable.
He shows the way into the music room.

INT. MUSIC ROOM. NIGHT.