Back A Private Function
Chapters (21)
  1. Cover
  2. Landing Page
  3. A Private Function
  4. CONTENTS
  5. INTRODUCTION
  6. The Old Crowd
  7. CAST
  8. A Private Function
  9. PREFACE
  10. CAST AND CREDITS
  11. Prick Up Your Ears
  12. PREFACE
  13. CAST AND CREDITS
  14. 102 Boulevard Haussmann
  15. CAST AND CREDITS
  16. The Madness of King George
  17. PREFACE
  18. CAST AND CREDITS
  19. About the Author
  20. Also by the Author
  21. Copyright

ORTON   Here?
Halliwell nods.
Shit!
He immediately starts taking off his clothes. Halliwell immediately starts tidying the flat. Both rushing around, Orton changing, Halliwell tidying, and having this conversation.
Was that him?

HALLIWELL   No. Someone more cultured. The chauffeur, I think.

ORTON   Did you tell him the address?

HALLIWELL   He knew the address. I wish I’d known. The place is a pigsty.

ORTON   He won’t mind. He’s used to it. He’s an ordinary working-class boy. They all are.

HALLIWELL   (putting on some make-up) He’s the nicest, though.
I’ve always liked him. The others are more … instinctive.
I won’t stop. Just introduce me and say who I am, then I’ll make myself scarce.
They are now sitting side by side on one of the beds, waiting. There is the sound of a car door slamming.
This is what it must feel like when one’s about to meet the Queen.

ORTON   Except when one meets the Queen one normally hasn’t just threatened to ram a typewriter up her arse.
The bell rings downstairs. Orton jerks his head for Halliwell to answer. Halliwell goes out, leaving Orton sitting on the bed.

INT. ORTON AND HALLIWELL’S FLAT. DOWNSTAIRS. DAY. 1967.

Halliwell opens the door.

CHAUFFEUR   Mr Orton?

HALLIWELL   I’m his personal assistant.
He glances over the Chauffeur’s shoulder at the waiting Rolls.

INT. ORTON AND HALLIWELL’S ROOM. DAY. 1967.

Orton sitting on the bed. Sound of Halliwell running up the stairs.

HALLIWELL   He’s waiting for you in the car.
Orton goes out, leaving Halliwell.

EXT. NOEL ROAD. DAY. 1967.

The Chauffeur opens the door. Orton gets in and closes the door. The Chauffeur goes round and is about to start when Halliwell runs out of the house with the script. He bangs on the window.

HALLIWELL   Joe.
The window slides down and Orton takes it, maybe with a wink. Halliwell gazes after the car as it drives off.
That was Paul McCartney.

MRS SUGDEN   Was it? Oh Kenneth, you are going to have some memories.

INT. ORTON AND HALLIWELL’S FLAT. DAY. 1967.

Halliwell enters the flat and begins to look for the remainder of his pills. We see him put the awards ceremony invitation card back on the table as Peggy’s voice-over begins.

INT. DORCHESTER HOTEL. AWARDS CEREMONY. NIGHT. 1967.

We see Peggy sitting next to Orton at a table, as the awards chairman begins his presentation.

PEGGY   (voice-over) So Ken didn’t get to the awards and I did.
At moments of triumph men can do without their wives.

LAHR   (voice-over) They cramp our style.

PEGGY   (voice-over) But sharing is what wives want.

LAHR   (voice-over) Right. And Ken was a coach as well as a wife.

PEGGY   (voice-over) Poor Ken. Still, it was a popular win. Joe was young. The play was naughty. It all seemed very bold.