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Back A Private Function
Chapters (21)
  1. Cover
  2. Landing Page
  3. A Private Function
  4. CONTENTS
  5. INTRODUCTION
  6. The Old Crowd
  7. CAST
  8. A Private Function
  9. PREFACE
  10. CAST AND CREDITS
  11. Prick Up Your Ears
  12. PREFACE
  13. CAST AND CREDITS
  14. 102 Boulevard Haussmann
  15. CAST AND CREDITS
  16. The Madness of King George
  17. PREFACE
  18. CAST AND CREDITS
  19. About the Author
  20. Also by the Author
  21. Copyright

Later, in the corridor. The party is in full swing. It has spilled out into the corridor and Orton fights his way out of the room, glass in hand.

Orton straightens Halliwell’s wig and pulls him out of the room.

PARTYGOERS   (out of vision) Joe, Joe!

ORTON   I won’t be long.

HALLIWELL   I was enjoying myself. Where are we going?

EXT. GENTS’ LAVATORY. NIGHT. 1964.

Orton and Halliwell walking along by a park.

HALLIWELL   Where’re we going? What about the party?
They are approaching a gents’ lavatory.

ORTON   I just want to see if it works.

HALLIWELL   What?

ORTON   The wig.

HALLIWELL   No, no. Please, Joe. I don’t want to.

ORTON   Stand there.
He leaves Halliwell standing uneasily outside the lavatory.
Orton withdraws and sits on a seat. Halliwell’s hand keeps straying nervously to his wig. Orton smiles reassuringly.
Unseen by Halliwell, a youth comes up to Orton.

YOUTH   You got the time?

ORTON   Not right now. (Pause.) See the fellow in the wig? He’s wanting it. Ask him.

YOUTH   No fear.

ORTON   Go on.
He slips the youth a quid. The youth goes up to Halliwell, pretty insolently.

YOUTH   You got a match?

HALLIWELL   What?

YOUTH   A light?

HALLIWELL   I’ve just stopped smoking as a matter of fact.

YOUTH   Pity. I was thinking of popping in for a Jimmy Riddle. You know.
The youth goes into the lavatory. Halliwell rushes over to Orton.

HALLIWELL   It works. It really works.

ORTON   Go on then. Get in there.

HALLIWELL   I daren’t.

ORTON   Do you want me to come in?

HALLIWELL   No. No.
He adjusts his wig and goes in, leaving Orton on the seat.
A man comes up and sits beside him. Behind them we see either two policemen approaching, or the flashing blue light of a police car.

MAN   You don’t want it stuck up your arse by any chance?

ORTON   If you mean what I think you mean, no.
Man gets up.

MAN   No harm in asking. Hey up.
Orton looks round and sees the police car or the policemen. He gets up very quickly and rushes into the lav.

INT. GENTS’ LAVATORY. NIGHT. 1964.

The lav seems to be empty.

ORTON   Ken, Ken! Where are you, for Christ’s sake?
A cubicle door opens. He is there with the youth, but plainly nothing has happened.

HALLIWELL   We were just having a chat.

ORTON   Police. Out. Quick.

YOUTH   Jesus.
There are two entrances to the lav. Orton and Halliwell run out of one and a moment or two later the policemen come in at the other as the youth stands in a stall. One stands behind the youth while the other pushes open the doors of the cubicle. The youth zips up his flies.
A piss is as good as a pint. Night all.

EXT. STREET. NIGHT. 1964.