But just look at what a show the sky, the mountains, the earth are putting on for you. What you have to do now is find that Jamil and put something in your stomach. And clean and oil your gun, and then sit down somewhere for a couple of hours to study your maps and pick the route that makes the most sense. A cigarette sure as hell would hit the spot right now, but you don’t smoke any more. And maybe you ought to write a note to Michal and leave it on her bed. But you don’t have anything to say to her, or to any man or woman in the world, and you never did. Except for thank you. That’s a pretty dumbass thing to say if you do say so yourself. Let Azariah say it for you, because he and your father and Eshkol and Srulik and all the rest of them are so impossibly good at it.

You bet your sweet life I’d have hit it from a pace-and-a-half if I’d wanted to. Only their hearts were not true. Hurrah for Saint Benya, who didn’t spill a single drop of blood. But my heart is true as hell. And all this holy light is starting to glare. May He be exalted? And sanctified? In His great name? Is that what you say over an open grave? I can’t remember the rest of it. I don’t have to. They’ll never find me in any case. Not even my corpse. Much less my shoelaces. I’ve been around long enough to see that it isn’t for me. Whatever I’ve touched has gone wrong. Still, I am grateful for all this beauty and will say again, if no one minds out there, thanks for everything.

And now you’d better find something to eat and get organized. It must be six o’clock at least. Or even seven. Your watch has stopped again because you forgot to wind it.

15

“A glass of tea? Or some brandy?” asked Yolek. “Mind you, it’s only my allergy acting up again. Otherwise I haven’t popped a tear since it happened. I don’t deny that when the door opened and you suddenly walked in and hugged me and said what you did, well, my emotions just got the better of me for a second. But there now, I’m over it. You remember Hava, don’t you. And sitting here to my left is Srulik. My replacement. Our new secretary here on the kibbutz. And a saint in disguise. Give me ten men like him and I could move the world.”