BOLSHINTSOV

I agree with you completely.

SHPIGELSKY

Otherwise Vera Alexandrovna might think you were just feeling unwell. Besides, your looks, though also acceptable in all respects, offer nothing for the eye, you know, nothing that strikes the eye. And that’s called for nowadays.

BOLSHINTSOV

(With a sigh) That’s called for nowadays.

SHPIGELSKY

Girls like it, anyway. Well, and then there’s your age . . . in short, we can’t bring it off by paying compliments. So you can forget about pleasant little phrases. You can’t count on them. But you have something much more firm and reliable to count on—namely, your qualities, my esteemed friend, and your three hundred and twenty souls. If I were you, I’d simply tell Vera Alexandrovna . . .

BOLSHINTSOV

Alone?

SHPIGELSKY

Oh, absolutely alone! “Vera Alexandrovna!”

By Bolshintsov’s moving lips, it is clear that he is silently repeating every word after Shpigelsky.

“I love you and I ask for your hand. I’m a good man, simple, quiet, and not poor: with me you will be perfectly free; I shall try to please you in everything. Kindly make inquiries about me, and kindly pay me a little more attention than you have up to now—and give me an answer, whichever you like, and whenever you like. I’m ready to wait and will even count it a pleasure.”

BOLSHINTSOV

(Repeating the last words aloud) “A pleasure.” Right, right, right . . . I agree with you. Only here’s the thing, Ignaty Ilyich: it seems you were so good as to use the word “quiet”. . . that is, that I’m a quiet man . . .

SHPIGELSKY

You mean you’re not a quiet man?

BOLSHINTSOV

No, I am, sir . . . but all the same, it seems to me . . . Will it be appropriate, Ignaty Ilyich? Wouldn’t it be better to say, for instance . . .

SHPIGELSKY

For instance?

BOLSHINTSOV

For instance . . . for instance . . . (Pause) Though maybe we can just as well say “quiet.”

SHPIGELSKY

Eh, Afanasy Ivanych, you listen to me: the simpler you express yourself, the less flowery you speak, the better things will go, believe me. And above all don’t insist, don’t insist, Afanasy Ivanych. Vera Alexandrovna is still very young. You may frighten her . . . Give her time to think your proposal over. Ah, yes! One more thing . . . I almost forgot: you said I could give you advice . . . Don’t speak French. I remember you once called a generous host a “bonzhiban”—you said, “What a bonzhiban he is!” A nice word, of course, but unfortunately it’s totally meaningless. You know, I’m none too clever regarding the French dialect myself, but I do know that much. Avoid eloquence, and I guarantee you success. (Looking around) By the way, here they are, all coming this way.

Bolshintsov starts to leave.

Where are you going? More mushrooms?

Bolshintsov smiles, blushes, and stays.

Above all, don’t be scared!

BOLSHINTSOV