Now it’s just the hum of the fridge and Splinter’s warm breath. I roll my face back into the pillow and pretend not to notice his tongue on my hair. Monday. School. I slide off the couch and go do all those things that mean Monday morning.

Vaporizers topped up, dog fed, me washed and dressed and eating breakfast to music. My finger’s hovered over your morning playlist for days and always pulled back. Today it pressed play. I push the toast out of my mouth. It sticks to my tongue for a moment before falling heavily to the plate. I can’t swallow. My chest hurts, but I sit and listen. Was this you? The music fills the kitchen, spiky piano with gaps where there should be sound. I never really got it. Jazz. It sounds broken to me. But I’m trying. I force myself to hum along, filling in the missing bits. I tip the toast in the bin, rinse off my plate, put my jumper on. I listen as long as I can till my finger gets away from me and jabs pause. The silence is a relief, like letting go of a too-hot plate. I’m no closer—you’re the music and the silence.

I push the thoughts away. I have school. I double-check the time. Doesn’t pay to get there too early. And definitely not late. I aim for time to get my bag put away before the bell. No more, no less.

I HAVE FRIENDS at school. People seem to like me. Did you know that? Did you wonder who I was when you weren’t there? I have my place in the class: solid, dependable. I make other people feel good by laughing at their jokes. I ask questions and listen to the answers, so people like having me around. No one asks much about me, I’m not that interesting. I’m friendly with most of them, not close to anyone. I float deliberately from one group to another. Welcome, but not missed when I’m not there. When you’re pleasant, no one gets curious.

I’m okay with that, mostly.

I smile and chat a lot. It keeps me occupied and, between focusing on that and the schoolwork, time spins away and then it’s almost the last bell.

Ms. Pham waves some forms at us. “A reminder, Student Learning Conferences with your parents are next week. This has the instructions for the online booking. Your parents will need to book a time with me. First in, best dressed.” She starts passing the notices out, one to each of us. “I want you to return these marked yes or no with a parent’s signature at the bottom so I know everyone got the notice. Everyone’s to bring it back signed, even if your parents can’t attend. So don’t forget.”