"Not even your mother?" I was running on pain and adrenalin, which is my only excuse, but the moment it left my mouth, I wished I hadn't said it. More tears streamed down his face, so that I was really sorry. I stuttered to tell him so, to take it back, but he suddenly controlled himself and motioned for me to stop apologizing.

"No. No, you're right. And it had to be said. I need to face it. Face how much influence she's had on my life, but mustn't any more."

I paused and let him gather himself. Let him breathe. "But why, Hugo?" I said gently, at length. "What sort of a hold did she have on you?"

Although I knew this might not be the moment, even more compelling was the realization that it might be the only moment. I had a strange feeling this was the time to ask. He turned his face away to the wall. Became silent for a long while. It was at that point, as I told Christina in the corridor, as I'd sat with Hugo by his bed, that I told him I knew he was gay. I told him the truth, but I varnished it slightly. About Tommy suspecting since university days. It was up to Tommy, I thought, if one day he told him he'd walked in on him: somehow I didn't think he would. I told him I knew he could never have loved me properly and had done his very best, and I told him I knew about him and Christina. About what they'd no doubt recognized in each other all those years ago, and why they'd married. Why he'd left me. So that he didn't have to feel guilt and remorse any more, could be himself. As she could be herself. I saw Christina visibly relax as I did.

"I always said you should know. You and Peter. My parents and my sisters know about me, have done for some time, about my happy but unusual marriage, and they're pleased for me. Why not Hugo's family?"

I told Christina that Hugo had relaxed, too. That his face had come back from the wall, from the past, initially full of sorrow and shame, but how I'd silenced it in one look. In one squeeze of the hand. Hadn't said, “wish you'd told me.” Hadn't added to his pain, but had just asked him why he hadn't ever been more open about it.