A flurry of possible scenarios hurtled into my head and flew around up there, chasing each other like a kaleidoscope. All the potential discussions they'd had — or maybe not had. Just an unspoken, tacit knowledge of the possible, perhaps. The possibility of living a double life, with a home, children, all the trappings. An affluent, normal family in Hampstead. Hugo Bellingdon, father of three, chairman of his family's water company. Why couldn't he still be all of that, with a boyfriend? Why? I thought of Belinda and Roger. No. Unthinkable. Not Roger. But Belinda.

"I so wish you'd told me, Tommy!" I said vehemently, balling my fists and thumping them on my knees. "I would have got over it. I'm not that wet, not that guilt-ridden. I would!"

"Back then? When you were about to get married? Pregnant?" He shook his head. "You'd never have forgiven me."

“Maybe not, but so what? So what!"

He paused. Some color drained from his face. “So everything. So everything."

I frowned at this, confused. I shook my head. "What?"

He was staring down at his knees. He looked up. Regrouped. "Yes, I should have done. I know I should have done. Even then, I knew it. But I had my own reasons."

I made an incredulous face. "What – that I'd have hated you? Sure, I would have done. But no more than I probably did alrea—"

"Yes, but you see I minded that." He rounded on me fiercely, interrupting me in mid-flow. "I minded very much that you would never forgive me. That you would always hold it against me."

His eyes were blazing with a strange intensity. They burned into me.

I blanched. Then I shrugged. "OK, you minded . .” I said, confused.

"In fact, if I'm totally, unutterably honest, it was my prime, overriding motivating factor for not telling you. Nothing to do with loyalty to Hugo. I could have got over that. Reasoned it out with him. Toughed it out. But I didn't want your hate. I couldn't entertain it." It was his turn to get up off the bench. He thrust his hands deep in his pockets and walked to the edge of the quay.

He stood with his back to me, staring into the water. At length, he spoke gruffly, but I could hear every word he said. "Contrary to popular opinion, Flora, I've always been very fond of you. Strange, but true."

I stared at his back. Brushed some hair from my eyes. “Define fond."

There was a silence. "Loved you. I've always loved you. I was the one who should have married you. The one who really wanted you. Properly wanted you. Not Hugo."

Chapter 28

The seagulls cawed in the sky and circled in the wind, filling the silence with their sound. Their swooping and diving made the stillness of his back all the more apparent. I stared at it.