And with that he turned on his heel and walked away. I watched him go. My eyes followed his back in amazement, his pale-biscuit linen jacket. I thought of running after him, of taking his arm, swinging him round and saying his name — ‘Tommy!’ But then what? What was there to say? I was as staggered by this revelation as by the one about Hugo, and actually . . . I couldn't believe it. Oh, Hugo being gay I believed, all too clearly — that dawn came storming up — but Tommy Rochester in love with me? Man about town, lothario, a girl in every port, joker extraordinaire, Peter's naughty godfather, Hugo's fast friend — he was so unlike me. The introspective, reclusive painter who'd wasted her best years pining and hiding in a garret with her excuses for not living, whilst he — he'd lived. Sailed, hunted, skied — had sex for sure — but he'd packed his life with successful work and friends and travel. No. He was having me on.

Or was I the one girl he couldn't have, who hadn't responded to his charms? The one that got away? Ergo he wanted me? Maybe that was it. Testosterone-fueled, competitive spirit surging to the fore. I remembered girls at Oxford, hanging on his every amusing word in the college bar as he held court, still in his rowing kit, always surrounded. Not by me. Was I simply a challenge? Was this something male and macho, some unfinished business? Whatever it was, it was a myth he'd nourished and kept alive, as people do. As I'd nourished the myth of Hugo. Tommy might think he loved me — loved me, for heaven’s sake! But he didn't. Of course he didn't. And now it was spoken, he'd feel as much of a fool — he'd even said it, maybe I'm purged — as he had done all those years ago.

I got up slowly. The sun had gone behind a cloud and it was getting cooler. My knees were stiff and I realized I'd been sitting there for some time. Something about those eyes, though. Fierce and true beneath a mop of still-fiery, still-russet hair. If only I hadn't seen those. If only he hadn't turned round; had carried on looking out to sea. I walked down the quay towards town.