Halting, she frowned at the cow. “And while I’m not fussed for most of them, I can’t knowingly do them such a bad turn. It’s the College at fault here, and this Lord Hahren, not Ibbitha and the rest.”

The cow blinked at her, its mild brown eyes incurious.

“Besides.” She rested her forearms along the fence’s highest wooden rail and let her forehead drop. “There’s Remmie, isn’t there?”

She dreaded to think what he’d say if she told him she’d abandoned the artisanry, not to attend the College, which of course he’d understand, but because she’d flown into a temper at Arndel.

“So I’m trapped here,” she said to the cow. “Aren’t I? Fenced in just like you.”

A sting of tears extinguished the embers of her rage. All the strength drained out of her and the misery held at bay by fury rose to swamp her. Knees buckling, she sank to the cool, damp grass.

Over her aching head, the cloudless sky vaulted sunlit and blue. She heard a whisper of wings and a chattering cry as a flock of pink-and-white dibbydabs rushed through the warm air. Tickling her nose, the scent of newly bloomed frasfras threading through the earthier pungency of fresh cow pats. Somewhere out of sight a creek chuckled between its banks. It was a beautiful day. This was a beautiful part of Dorana. Who couldn’t be happy here?

Me. I’m not, and I doubt I ever will be. I want more. I can’t help it.

“Remmie, I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I just can’t.”

But he’d never understand that. So easily content himself, he found her restlessness and hungry ambition baffling.

If only I’d never gone to Elvado. I knew it would hurt me, seeing it. Oh, I’m a fool.

Regrets were useless, though, weren’t they? The damage was done. She knew exactly what it was she was missing, now, living her quiet Batava life. Hedgerows instead of cobblestones, the schoolmaster’s cottage in place of the College and that grand Hall of Knowledge. A small life filled with clock magic. Filled with sand and glass.

It would never be enough… but she’d have to make do. Find a way to live with it. For Remmie’s sake, if not her own.

With a deep sigh, almost a groan, she took hold of the fence and pulled herself back to her feet. It would be easy, too easy, to sit here the rest of the day with the silent cow for company. But she had to face her brother. Watch him pretend he wasn’t pleased the College of Mages had rejected her. Pretend she didn’t care.

Heavy-hearted, she continued for home.

Chapter Eight

Chapter Eight