Zero Regret
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About Zero Regret
Love happens when you least expect it. So does heartbreak.
I thought we were finally done with the lies.
Secrets? Sure, Lilly’s still holding on to plenty of those.
My perfect woman is secrets buried under beautiful layers of deception.
She’s the seductive siren bent on destroying my heart.
It doesn’t make me want her any less.
Just like before, she’s an addiction I can’t break.
I’ll never learn my lesson when it comes to her.
But I refuse to ever let her go.
One by one I’ll unlock all her secrets.
I love a challenge. And I’ve never followed the rules.
Now that she’s back in my life, she’s mine forever.
And anyone who hurts or threatens her better prepare to die.
Acknowledgments
The ladies in my “Lounge” on Facebook. Thank you so much for showing up with your love and kindness every day! Not only for me and for the Lost Kings but for each other as well!
Rosa, Jezzie, Liz, Dani, thank you for helping find those last minute things!
Thank you to Justin Cox for your enthusiasm and helping me promote Z’s books!
Big thank you to Mr. Lake who continues to encourage all of my most evil ideas!
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Zero Hour
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Zero Tolerance should be read before Zero Regret. Purchase here.
Also By Autumn Jones Lake
THE LOST KINGS MC™ SERIES
Slow Burn (Lost Kings MC #1)
Corrupting Cinderella (Lost Kings MC #2)
Three Kings, One Night (Lost Kings MC #2.5)
Strength From Loyalty (Lost Kings MC #3)
Tattered on My Sleeve (Lost Kings MC #4)
White Heat (Lost Kings MC #5)
Between Embers (Lost Kings MC #5.5)
More Than Miles (Lost Kings MC #6)
White Knuckles (Lost Kings MC #7)
Beyond Reckless (Lost Kings MC #8)
Beyond Reason (Lost Kings MC #9)
One Empire Night (Lost Kings MC #9.5)
After Burn (Lost Kings MC #10)
After Glow (Lost Kings MC #11)
Zero Hour (Lost Kings MC #11.5)
Zero Tolerance (Lost Kings MC #12)
Zero Regret (Lost Kings MC #13)
Zero Apologies (Lost Kings MC #14)
White Lies (Lost Kings MC #15)
Swagger and Sass (A Lost Kings MC Novella)
Rhythm of the Road (Lost Kings MC #16)
Lyrics on the Wind (Lost Kings MC #17)
Diamond in the Dust (Lost Kings MC #18)
Crown of Ghosts (Lost Kings MC #19)
Throne of Scars (Lost Kings MC #20)
Reckless Truths (Lost Kings MC #21)
Rust or Ride (Lost Kings MC #22)
…and many more to come!
Books in the Lost Kings MC World
The Hollywood Demons Series
Kickstart My Heart
Blow My Fuse
Wheels of Fire
Bullets & Bonfires
Warnings & Wildfires
Renegade Path
Paranormal Romance
Catnip & Cauldrons
Onyx Night
Onyx Shadows
Feral Escape
Dedication
The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.
Martin Luther King, Jr.
Chapter One
ZERO
I thought we were done with the lies.
How much deception am I supposed to take from the woman I love until I lose it and give up?
Lilly lied to me.
Again.
Ted’s words won’t stop echoing in my head. I’m her fiancé.
That can’t be right. I asked her to marry me a couple hours ago.
She said yes.
But she’d already said yes to this guy.
This guy? Really?
He’s still standing on the porch, awkwardly shifting from foot to foot.
He ain’t gettin’ an invitation inside from me.
“Dammit, Ted,” Lilly snaps. “That’s not true. We’re not engaged.”
“Seems like an odd thing to be confused about.” My voice comes out laced with acid. I want nothing more than to jump on my bike and spray gravel all over Ted’s shiny rental car. Fifteen, twenty years ago, I probably would’ve done exactly that the second this clown showed up and opened his mouth.
Today, I have a son. I need to be here for him. No matter what.
“Z, it’s not true.” Her fingers lightly brush against my bare chest, chasing the chill away.
I drag my gaze from Ted to Lilly. An hour ago, she was wrapped around me, whispering declarations of love in my ear while clawing at my back.
Was she doing the same out in California with this guy?
Her hand’s still pressed to my chest and as I glance down, the loose sleeve of the robe she threw on when Ted came knocking slips down. The fine edge of the scar I asked about earlier peeks out and somehow, I just know it’s connected to Ted. To everything.
It’s painful. Personal. And she was about to let me in. Finally.
Before Ted interrupted.
I grip the doorknob tighter. “You got an engagement ring?” I ask Lilly.
Too stunned by my change in attitude, Lilly shakes her head. “What?”
Ted’s such a swell guy, he pipes up and answers for Lilly. “It’s back in California.”
That’s all I need to know.
“You can talk to her tomorrow, Ted,” I say. “Thanks for stopping by.” With that dismissal, I shove the door closed, slamming it in Ted’s face with a satisfying bang.
Outside, he mumbles something, but a minute later, a car starts up and speeds down the driveway.
I turn and face Lilly, who’s already backing away from me. “Start talking.”
“Ted’s just a friend.”
“I don’t give a fuck about Ted.”
Like a snake, I strike, grabbing both of her wrists in one hand and turning them over. Ruthlessly, I shove both her sleeves out of my way. “What happened?”
She jerks back, but I hold on tighter.
“An accident.”
“Bullshit. What accident leaves identical scars like this? Try again.”
“Z,” she pleads.
“And I know damn well you didn’t have them before, so don’t even try.”
“I can’t.” She’s pleading with everything in her to let this go. Her big brown eyes brimming with tears, her beautiful face, her body that she’s desperately trying to pull out of my grip. “Z, I can’t.”
“You can and you will. I think I’ve been more than patient. I asked you to marry me before. You said yes. Then a few hours later, some clown I’ve never even heard of shows up claiming he’s your fiancé? I’m out of patience with you, woman.”
“You’re hurting me.”
The high, thin whine to her voice jars me enough to release her. She retreats but I’m not done with her. No way.
Step for step, I track her into the living room.
Lilly’s a strong woman. Almost nothing seems to make her flinch. Guilt lashes at me for the way she’s unraveling because of my questions.
“Who hurt you?” I ask.
She jerks her head up. “What?”
Gentler this time, I reach out and trace my finger over the soft inside of her arm. “Who did this?”
Tears I didn’t want to cause roll down her cheeks. She opens her mouth and slicks her tongue over her lips a few times before finally giving me the answer I never expected.
“I did.”
Chapter Two
Lilly
A cloud of pain wraps around my throat, threatening to suffocate me.
What a nightmare.
I almost wish Z hadn’t chased Ted away, because I’d like to strangle him.
My own fault. Weeks ago, I should’ve yanked up my big girl panties and told Ted our marriage–of his convenience–couldn’t happen.
That I could have handled with a simple phone call.
Z standing in front of me demanding answers, I can’t deal with that. I should have told him about Ted, even if I can’t tell him the whole story. But my lies have become a part of me to protect myself. It’s my story. The story of two Lillys. The one before. And the one after. Both of them are full of pain and regret. Regrets I can’t erase. Pain I don’t want to share with anyone. Especially Z.
There’s a reason I keep my arms covered as much as possible.
I don’t care what anyone else thinks.
It’s me. I can’t stand the reminder of my own weakness. And the events that led me to the darkest time of my life. To attempt something I never thought I was capable of.
“Tell me why,” Z persists in a much gentler tone than he used a few seconds ago. “What happened?”
Unable to force out the words, I shake my head and more tears burn my eyelids.
“Here,” he says, pushing a glass of water into my hands.
He’s quiet while I take a long sip, but then he sits on the couch next to me and pulls my hands into his lap. “Talk to me. You used to say you never wanted kids. Did…you…did this happen when you found out you were pregnant?”
His struggle to understand is clear in his voice so the question doesn’t offend me. Besides, he’s right. I didn’t know how much I wanted to be a mother until Ted pressed that tiny sonogram picture in my hand.
“No.” My voice comes out more than a harsh whisper. “I found out I was pregnant because of this.” I trace my finger down the line on my left arm. It’s straighter than the one on my right. It’s deeper too. I’m right-handed. “Chance saved me,” I whisper.
Maybe that sounds ridiculous. But it’s true in so many ways.
“Well, technically Ted saved me,” I add.
“How?”
“He was the doctor on-call at the hospital.”
What words can explain it to a man like Z? Everything about him radiates strength and bravery. Qualities that appeal to me more than ever. With Z, I always feel safe and protected.
He seems invincible and I’ve never wanted to drag him into anything that could bring him harm.
“Lilly, talk to me. Why does he think you’re engaged?”
Ah, that one weakness of Z’s—his caveman mentality—might actually allow me to escape this conversation with a shred of dignity. He wants to know about my relationship with Ted. Not the intimate, painful details that led to us meeting in the first place. That I can handle.
“It’ll sound silly to you.”
“It was important enough for him to fly across the country.”
“Well, we’re friends, too.” Although, after he showed up without warning and told Z we were engaged, I may have to rethink our friends status.
“Do you live with him?”
“No,” I answer with more force than intended. “He did ask me to move in with him before I came home.”
His jaw tightens. “You and my son?”
“Yes.”
“And what did you say?”
I swallow hard. Z’s not going to like this answer. “That I’d think about it.”
“So, I didn’t even know my kid existed, but you were going to think about moving in with another man?”
“It’s not like that.”
“Then tell me what it’s like,” he insists. By the tightness of his jaw, I can tell his patience is about to snap. “I never asked,” he says. “But you sort of implied you hadn’t been dating anyone.”
“We weren’t dating. We’re friends.” My gaze skips to the front door. “Although, I’m not so sure about that anymore.”
Z doesn’t see the humor in my gripe. “Friends don’t usually ask friends to marry them.”
Do I share Ted’s secret? After the bomb he tried to drop on my life, I should. It still feels wrong, but it feels worse to keep any more secrets from Z. “Ted has a…complicated relationship with his family.”
“What’s that got to do with anything?”
I should’ve known an answer that vague wouldn’t satisfy Z.
My teeth sink into my bottom lip until it stings. I swipe my tongue over the spot and catch Z’s eyes following the movement. I don’t even have it in me to try and distract him with sex. Not when he’s been so patient and deserves some answers.
“Lilly?” he prompts.
“His family’s politically connected and he has certain obligations he’s supposed to fulfill.”
“Don’t tell me.” Z lets out a dark chuckle. “He’s gay and needs a wife for cover.”
When I don’t laugh, he cuts a look my way. “You’re kidding. Who still does that?”
“You’d be surprised.”
He snorts. “I thought California was so progressive.”
“Maybe. But his family isn’t. There’s an inheritance and he needs to be married…to a woman to collect it. When enough time had passed, we would’ve gotten divorced.”
“Why would you even consider something like that?”
I sigh and almost regret admitting this. “I know what it’s like to be scorned by your family for things that are out of your control. He helped me when I needed it and I wanted to do the same.”
By the way Z’s jaw keeps flexing, he’s having a hard time objecting to my reasoning.
“That’s it?”
“Well, I have a lot of…medical debt. From…before…and from when I had Chance and he was going to help me with that.”
“Lilly, that’s my responsibility. Not some guy who’s too spineless to tell his family to fuck off.”
Once again, in his own crude way, Z proves he’s so damn honorable I have no business being with him.
“Mommy?” Chance calls.
I breathe a sigh of relief.
“We’re not done,” Z says in a low voice, right before Chance shuffles into the living room.
Our son stands there, rubbing his eyes and pouting. “It was loud. And someone yelled.” He looks around the room, his gaze finally landing on Z. He scowls as if he blames Z for every new nocturnal noise in his life.
I’d laugh except there’s nothing funny about tonight. Instead, I hold out my hands and Chance eagerly runs over and lets me scoop him up. He puts his little arms around my neck and rests his cheek on my shoulder so he’s facing Z.
“Did you yell at Mommy?” The accusatory tone of the question might be downright hilarious under other circumstances.
Z reaches over and runs his hand over Chance’s back. “No, buddy. Sorry if we woke you. Your mom and I were having an interesting talk. That’s all.”
Interesting. I snort. That’s one way to put it.
Chance places his hands against my shoulders and pushes backwards to stare at me as if he needs confirmation.
“That’s all it was,” I say. “I’m sorry if we scared you.”
“Not scared,” he insists. “Of nothin’.”
“That’s my boy.” Z chuckles and it seems to put Chance at ease.
Z
There isn’t a sight in this world more beautiful than my woman with our son in her arms.
Even if I do want to strangle her at the moment.
She frustrates the fuck out of me.
Lilly has to be the tightest bundle of secrets and contradictions I’ve ever encountered. Still, there isn’t another person in this world I want to unlock as much as her.
I don’t like that we woke Chance, though. I spent years hiding in my room while my parents fought when I was a kid. It’s not what I want for my son. Not ever.
The urge to leave and get away from them before I do some damage rises up and I barely hold it together.
“Can I have a doggie?” Chance asks, breaking up the tightness in my chest.
Lilly gives him a soft smile and taps his chest. “You have two doggies. Remember? Ziggy and Zipper?”
Something about the easy way she reminds him of my dogs reassures me everything’s going to be okay. Whatever this fuckery is between us right now will get resolved. And when it does, all this turmoil and confusion will have been worth it.
“Yes!” Chance grins and looks to me to make sure it’s true.
“Yeah, buddy. They’re going to come stay with us at the new house. They’ll look after you and Mommy while I’m at work.”
He lets out a big yawn and Lilly scoots to the edge of the couch. “Let’s put you back to bed.”
“Nooooo.” Chance’s little cheeks turn red and tears well up in his eyes. “I wanna sleep with you.”
Lilly hesitates, a troubled expression wrinkles her forehead. “Why, baby?”
He squeezes his arms around her neck even tighter. “Because.”
Her gaze slides my way and I shrug, unsure of what she expects me to say. Does she think I’m an asshole who’s going to tell my kid to ‘man up’ or something? He’s two-and-a-half years old, we woke him up in the middle of the night, and now he wants his mom. I’m not stupid. I get it.
All my concerns turn into a puddle of mush when he reaches one little hand toward me. “Daddy, too.”
“Yup,” Lilly reassures him. “Daddy’s coming too.”
When I find my voice, I answer, “Right behind you.”
A few minutes later, Chance is snuggled down smack in the middle of the mattress. Lilly sighs and shakes her head. “He hasn’t wanted to sleep with me in a long time.”
Ten thousand pounds of guilt threatens to crush me. I had to be a big man, slamming the door in Ted’s face tonight instead of acting like a responsible father. “I shouldn’t have—”
“No,” she cuts me off. “Stuff happens. He’ll be okay.” She tosses her robe on the chest at the foot of the bed and slides under the covers.
Careful not to disturb Chance, I get in on my side and reach over to shut the lamp off. “Think we should leave it on?” I ask.
“No. As long as we’re here when he wakes up, he’ll be fine.”
“I’m not going anywhere.”
I can’t see her expression, but she reaches over our son and rests her hand on my arm. “I know you’re not.”
Twisting my arm, I capture her hand and bring it up to my mouth, slowly brushing my lips against her knuckles. “We still need to talk, Lilly.”
“I know,” she whispers.
I turn her hand, kissing her open palm down to her wrist. She laughs softly. “That tickles.”
“Shh…don’t wake him again.”
We’re both quiet for a few minutes, but it doesn’t sound like she’s asleep yet.
“I meant what I said earlier.”
“You said a lot of things,” she whispers.
“That I love you.”
The bed shifts and her warmth spreads over my skin. She presses her forehead against my chin for a second before reaching up to kiss my jaw. “I love you too,” she whispers. “Don’t ever doubt it.”
It’s not our love I doubt.
It’s everything else.
Chapter Three
Lilly
The next morning, we’re jarred from sleep by Chance jumping on the bed and finally flopping down next to Z.
“Sleep okay, buddy?” Z rasps, barely opening his eyes.
“Yup!” Chance seems to have forgotten all about last night. Even asks why he’s in my room, which is a relief.
The weight of Z’s stare follows me as I lead Chance out of the bedroom. It takes Z a few minutes, but eventually he finds me. “We still need to talk.”
“I’m not marrying anyone but you, Z,” I say without turning around.
His warm, solid body presses up against my back and he wraps his big hands around my wrists, forcing me to drop my spatula on the counter. He uses his chin to push my hair out of his way and slides his lips against my neck. “Say that again.”
I can’t form a coherent thought, let alone remember what I said five seconds ago with him wrapped around me like a wall of warmth, desire, and safety. “You’re the only man I’ve ever wanted to marry.”
“Yeah?” He kisses right below my ear. “Remember Rock and Hope’s wedding?”
“How could I forget?”
“I couldn’t stop thinking about what kind of bride you’d be,” he says matter-of-factly.
A tear slips down my cheek, but I can’t brush it away without escaping his hold—something I don’t want to do. “Really?”
I wish my voice didn’t come out so damn wobbly. He notices and leans in closer, kissing my tear-tracked cheek. “That bother you?”
“Not at all.” I sniffle and laugh at the same time. “I might have questioned whether you’d slip on a suit or tux for your wedding.”
“Our wedding,” he corrects. “You’re trying to distract me again. We need to talk.”
Ice-cold fear spreads through my chest. I can’t have the conversation he wants to have with Chance around. It doesn’t matter how old he is, I don’t want any of it poisoning his young mind.
“My brother’s been asking about taking Chance for an afternoon.”
“Okay,” he answers, the what does that have to do with anything question clear from his tone.
“Chance…He can’t be here for the talk you want to have.”
By the way he staggers backwards, Z didn’t expect that answer.
“What more do you need to know, Z?”
He recovers from the shock quickly. “Nothing less than everything.”
His phone buzzes on the counter and he snatches it up. “Fuck.”
“Do you have to go?”
“Club stuff.” He frowns and some of the anger I remember from last night bleeds into his expression. “We’re not done with this, Lilly.” He closes his eyes. “I’m still…pissed.”
“I know.”
“But I love you and we’ll get through it.” As hard as he sounds, warmth and conviction still shine through easing some of my skittishness. “Rooster should have some house listings for me. I’m going to check them out with Murphy and Teller later. Unless you want me to wait for you?”
“No, don’t delay anything. I trust you.” My mouth turns down. “Although, I don’t think Teller likes me all that much.”
“Fuck.” He bites his lip, but I don’t think he’s upset with me.
Why did I even bother saying anything right now? Because the move is making me anxious? Or something else?
“It’s got nothing to do with you, Lilly. He’s going through some stuff. If he really gives you attitude, tell me.”
“No, I shouldn’t have said anything at all. I was joking.”
His phone pings again and he groans. Glancing down, he types out a quick response to whoever’s looking for him. After sending it, he gives me a crooked smile. “You better be here when I get back. I will chase your gorgeous ass down this time.”
It’s the worst kind of joke for either of us to make, but I laugh anyway. “You’re coming back?”
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