“Because I’m the one with the fizz gun, you silly twit,” Candi replied. “And because you know I don’t need it to fizz you.”

One of the blond ladies—Toni? Tammi?—looked as if she might want to test Candi’s theory, but Candi only smiled wider. “Please, try it, dear. Here, I’ll even put away the gun.” She slipped the gun into her dress pocket and held up her hands. “See? Do your worst.”

Toni/Tammi thought better of it and took a step back.

“Good girl,” said Candi.

Tess pointed to the unconscious man. “Who is that?”

Candi shrugged. “That is someone who liked to imagine he was a fixer. The fixer’s fixer.” She nudged the man’s hat with her boot. “Fixer’s fixer, my butt. Fixed you, didn’t I? In a few minutes I’ll hit you with the eraser. You won’t remember a thing.” She swept her hand over her head and her long, stiff blond hair came away. A wig. Underneath, she was still blond, but instead of falling nearly to her waist, the hair waved around her shoulders.

“Layers!” gasped the other blond women.

Tess had to admit Candi looked a little better, except for the dead eyes and cartoon-villain smile. Morningstarr Machines were more cuddly. Giraffe-owaries were more cuddly.

“Now, children, we’re going on a little field trip. Your kind likes field trips.”

“Our kind?” said Jaime.

“Cultural elites,” said Candi.

“Huh?” said Theo.

“She means nerds,” said one of the other blond ladies.

Candi did not lose the creepily upbeat tone in her voice when she said, “Lu, if you do not stop talking, I will use the fizz gun on you. And the eraser. And anything else I can think of.”

“You didn’t mean nerds?” said Lu. “I always thought that meant nerds.”

“You’re the nerd, Lu,” said another blond woman.

“Just because I like video games?”

Candi rolled her dead eyes. “Okay, we’ve all had our fun. Let’s get the children and this trunk to the van and we’ll head out.”

An eerie hum filled the air, set Tess’s skin prickling. Candi and the other blond ladies frowned, looked around for the source of the sound. The wind picked up, rustled the leaves in the trees, and the calls of the monk parrots blended into a long and tortured moan.

Ono, who had been perched quietly on the marble base of the angel, whispered, “Tabo thabe Laband abof Kabings!”

“Is your toy speaking Chinese?” said Toni/Tammi/Whatever.

“Zozi, Ashli, Lori. Fan out and go see what’s making that noise,” Candi said. “Could be one of their historian friends trying to distract us.”

The blondes did as they were told, fanning out among the gravestones, blending into the darkness. The other blondes turned away from Tess, Theo, and Jaime so they could keep an eye on the surrounding grounds.