‘I’ve spoken to Elgin,’ she said. ‘I told him what you are to me. I told him we’d been to bed together.’

‘What did he say?’

‘He asked which bed.’

‘Which bed?’

‘Our marital bed, as I suppose he’d call it, was made by him when we were living on my money in a tiny house. He was training, I was teaching, he made the bed in the evenings … It’s very uncomfortable. I told him we’d used my bed. The Lady’s Occasional … He was calmer then.’

I could understand how Elgin felt about his bed. Bathsheba had always insisted that we use their marital bed. I had to sleep on his side. It was the violation of innocence I objected to, a bed should be a safe place. It’s not safe if you can’t turn your back before it’s occupied again. I air my scruples now but it didn’t stop me at the time. I do despise myself for that.

‘I told Elgin I had to be able to see you, to be free to come and go with you. I told him I wouldn’t lie and that I didn’t want him to lie to me … He asked me if I was going to leave him and I said I honestly didn’t know.’

She turned to me her face serious and disturbed. ‘I honestly don’t know. Do you want me to leave him?’

I swallowed and struggled hard for the answer. The answer in my throat coming straight from my heart was ‘Yes. Pack now.’ I couldn’t say that, I made my answer from my head.

‘Shall we see how we go?’

Louise’s face betrayed her for a second only but I knew that she too had wanted me to say yes. I tried to help us both.

‘We could decide in three months. That would be fairer wouldn’t it? To Elgin, to you?’

‘What about you?’

I shrugged. ‘I’ve done with Jacqueline. I’m here for you if you want me.’

She said, ‘I want to offer you more than infidelity.’

I looked into her lovely face and I thought, I’m not ready for this. My boots are still muddy from the time before. I said, ‘Yesterday you were angry with me, you accused me of trophy hunting and you told me not to declare my love to you until I had declared it to myself. You were right. Give me time to do the work I must do. Don’t make it easy for me. I want to be sure. I want you to be sure.’

She nodded. ‘When I saw you two years ago I thought you were the most beautiful creature male or female I had ever seen.’

Two years ago, what was she talking about?

‘I saw you in the park, you were walking by yourself, you were talking to yourself. I followed you for about an hour and then I went home. I never imagined to see you again. You were a game in my head.’