“Frightened? What’s the worst I’m going to do, Melissa? Oh, wait, I’m not going to”—I mimic a prissy voice—“put you in a difficult position, am I? No, as it happens, I’m not. You put yourself in that difficult position when you decided to shack up with my brother!”

Even if I live to be a hundred, I doubt I’ll ever forget the way Melissa chose to tell me. I remember the date too: May 24, 2010. She called me up and, without saying hello, asked, “How would you feel if Lee and I . . . you know, sort of got together?”

“Lee? My brother Lee?” He and Mel had recently met for the first time in many years at my birthday party a few months earlier. As far as I was aware, they hadn’t seen each other since that night. Realizing that there must have been subsequent secret contact between them didn’t especially bother me; unlike my mother, father and brother, I don’t feel I have an automatic right to know everything about those close to me. I’m not against secrecy; it’s hypocrisy I can’t stand—people who preach honesty and straightforwardness, then keep you in the dark when it suits them.

People like Lee and Melissa.

“Yes, your brother,” Mel said nervously. “Sorry if this comes as a bit of a shock.”

I knew it must have taken all her courage to ask for my opinion and so her feelings for Lee must be serious. In normal circumstances, Mel would have preferred to disappear off the face of the earth, leaving no trace, than instigate something that might be contentious.

Don’t do it. Avoid him. He’s not normal. He’ll destroy you. These were the first things that flashed through my mind, but I didn’t say any of them. I decided I was being unnecessarily melodramatic, and I loved and love my brother, in spite of everything. I didn’t want to tell Mel the horror story I could have told her; it wouldn’t have been fair to Lee if I had. We all make mistakes, I thought. We all deserve a second chance. Lee was a child when all the bad stuff happened; he couldn’t be blamed, could he?

I realized Mel was waiting for my response. I could feel her growing anxiety pulsing out of my phone. “It’s not really up to me, is it?” I said diplomatically. “I mean, if you and Lee want to start seeing each other, it’s none of my business. I’d be unreasonable if I tried to stop you.”

“Yes, but I still want to know how you’d feel about it,” Mel said. “I’d hate to do anything that’d upset you, or change things between us.”

“I wouldn’t feel great about it,” I admitted. “You’re my best friend. He’s my brother. If you and he get together and stay together, suddenly the loyalties start to shift. You know stuff about me that I don’t want him ever to find out.”