I gasp when I see the words “pale blue and brown jukebox.” Damon Blundy had a blue and brown jukebox. He wrote a column about it, and mentioned it in a couple of his other columns. What’s . . .

Oh God. Oh fuck.

This isn’t a personal ad; it’s a description of Damon’s murder. A knife—sharp, sharpened at the scene, but he wasn’t stabbed . . .

Oh Jesus Christ.

I wish I hadn’t read it, wish I didn’t know how precisely Damon Blundy was killed, because now that I know how, I know why.

You knew already. Don’t lie to yourself. Lie to other people if necessary, but not to yourself.

As soon as you worked out what “He is no less dead” meant, you knew . . .

A man’s been murdered because of something I said.

I almost know who killed Damon. Almost. Trouble is, there’s more than one person it might be. The likelihood of the police working it out, any of it, is zero unless I tell them everything I know.

I can’t do it. Or rather, I could, but I know I never will. If there were a murder trial, it would all come out, be made public. It would be in all the papers. No, I can’t let that happen, no matter what.

I reread the “Looking for a Woman with a Secret” advert five times to check that I haven’t missed anything. Beads of cold sweat have appeared on my upper lip. I feel as if I might faint.

It’s for me. This ad is directed at me. It must be—there’s no one else who could make any sense of it. Its author has been waiting for a response for five days.

I press “reply.”

Keiran Holland @KeiranBHolland
Happy publication day to my better half @IonaDennis73! #proudhusband

07:50am - June 27, 2013

Damon Blundy @blunderfulme
@KeiranBHolland If her book sells more than 500 copies, I’ll treat you to lunch at the Ivy.

07:58am - June 27, 2013

Keiran Holland @KeiranBHolland
@blunderfulme You really are the lowest of the low, aren’t you, Damon? You’re turning your venom on my wife now?

08:02am - June 27, 2013

Damon Blundy @blunderfulme
@KeiranBHolland No venom, just opinion. Just so we’re clear—are you accusing me of treating your wife badly? #onemanhypocrisyepidemic

08:04am - June 27, 2013

Anne McSorley @lilorphanannie
@blunderfulme You are a nasty, rude man, Damon Blundy! @KeiranBHolland

08:10am - June 27, 2013

Damon Blundy @blunderfulme
@KeiranBHolland Who’s treated your wife worse, you or me? Let’s recap . . .

08:15am - June 27, 2013

Damon Blundy @blunderfulme
@KeiranBHolland You: make vows to wife to love & cherish forever. You: fuck Paula R on the sly for months, leave wife for her, go back only . . .

08:19am - June 27, 2013

Damon Blundy @blunderfulme
@KeiranBHolland . . . when dumped by PR, lie to world and wife by pretending you always loved wife more & it’s not just a rebound take-me-back.

08:21am - June 27, 2013