That was true, but Jake was still unable to tell Roland he’d actually considered spilling the beans to Susannah himself. He did articulate his principal fear, however: that with three of them knowing and one of them not, their ka-tet was broken just when it needed to be the most solid. He even told Roland the old joke, guy with a blowout saying It’s only flat on the bottom . He didn’t expect Roland to laugh, and his expectations were met admirably in this regard. But he sensed Roland was to some degree ashamed, and Jake found this frightening. He had an idea shame was pretty much reserved for people who didn’t know what they were doing.

“And until last night it was even worse than three in and one out,” Jake said. “Because you were trying to keep me out, as well. Weren’t you?”

“No,” Roland said.

“No?”

“I simply let things be as they were. I told Eddie because I was afraid that, once they were sharing a room together, he’d discover her wanderings and try to wake her up. I was afraid of what might happen to both of them if he did.”

“Why not just tell her?”

Roland sighed. “Listen to me, Jake. Cort saw to our physical training when we were boys. Vannay saw to our mental training. Both of them tried to teach us what they knew of ethics. But in Gilead, our fathers were responsible for teaching us about ka. And because each child’s father was different, each of us emerged from our childhood with a slightly different idea of what ka is and what it does. Do you understand?”

I understand that you’re avoiding a very simple question,Jake thought, but nodded.

“My father told me a good deal on the subject, and most of it has left my mind, but one thing remains very clear. He said that when you are unsure, you must let ka alone to work itself out.”

“So it’s ka.” Jake sounded disappointed. “Roland, that isn’t very helpful.”

Roland heard worry in the boy’s voice, but it was the disappointment that stung him. He turned in the saddle, opened his mouth, realized that some hollow justification was about to come spilling out, and closed it again. Instead of justifying, he told the truth.

“I don’t know what to do. Would you like to tell me?”

The boy’s face flushed an alarming shade of red, and Roland realized Jake thought he was being sarcastic, for the gods’ sake. That he was angry. Such lack of understanding was frightening. He’s right, the gunslinger thought. We are broken. Gods help us.