Another thought came on the heels of that, one so terrible he first tried to push it away. Only he couldn’t do that, he realized. Little as he wanted to, this was an idea that had to be considered.

I could take matters into my own hands. I could tell her myself.

And then what? What would he tell Roland? How would he explain?

I couldn’t. There’d be no explanation I could make or that he’d listen to. The only thing I could do—

He remembered Roland’s story of the day he’d stood against Cort. The battered old squireen with his stick, the untried boy with his hawk. If he, Jake, were to go against Roland’s decision and tell Susannah what had so far been held back from her, it would lead directly to his own manhood test.

And I’m not ready. Maybe Roland was— barely— but I’m not him.Nobody is. He’d best me and I’d be sent east into Thunderclap alone. Oy would try to come with me, but I couldn’t let him. Because it’s death over there. Maybe for our whole ka-tet, surely for a kid all by himself.

And yet still, the secrets Roland was keeping, that was wrong . And so? They’d be together again, all of them, to hear the rest of Callahan’s story and—maybe—to deal with the thing in Callahan’s church. What should he do then?

Talk to him. Try to persuade him he’s doing the wrong thing.

All right. He could do that. It would be hard, but he could do it. Should he talk to Eddie as well? Jake thought not. Adding Eddie would complicate things even more. Let Roland decide what to tell Eddie. Roland, after all, was the dinh.

The flap of the tent shivered and Jake’s hand went to his side, where the Ruger would have hung if he had been wearing the docker’s clutch. Not there, of course, but this time that was all right. It was only Oy, poking his snout under the flap and tossing it up so he could get his head into the tent.

Jake reached out to pat the bumbler’s head. Oy seized his hand gently in his teeth and tugged. Jake went with him willingly enough; he felt as if sleep were a thousand miles away.