He clenched his teeth together, willing himself not to move.

“You remember that night, the first night you woke up, in the tower in the earth? We sat by lamplight then and talked about dreams, and you put your arm around me and held my hand. It was a different sort of time, a time when hurts could be salved and secrets spoken and understood as if…as if…”

“As if the two of us were one.” He said it, despite himself.

“Could we do that again?” she asked him. “Will you stay by me and keep away the visions, just for a little? If you would do that, this might be easier.”

Not for me, he thought grimly, cursing his own selfishness. What kind of man was he, that he could not suppress his body’s urges in order to help a friend? How weak was his self-control, that he could not trust himself to touch without taking?

“Would you, Eyvi?” He could hardly hear her soft voice, and yet he felt it in every corner of his body.

He did not speak, but moved to sit as he had that first night, close by her with his arm around her shoulders and his other hand clasped in hers; her sweet scent filled his nostrils, her warmth flooded into him, and his breathing quickened, despite his best efforts to keep it steady.

“Mmm,” Nessa said, and laid her head on his shoulder. “That’s good, Eyvi; that’s so good. I did not know how much I had longed for this.” Then she fell silent, and he could tell she was weeping, but he dared not hold her closer, he dared not reach to brush away those tears with his finger, to stop them with his lips, to…no, he would not think of that. His hand clasped hers tightly; he felt his breath escape in a great sigh. The gods were kind, and cruel. They had delivered her to him, safe and well, when he had thought her lost; it was his own fault that he was no longer contented with what he had.

“I’m sorry,” Nessa said after a while. “I didn’t know I was going to cry. I’m all right now. Perhaps we should try to sleep.” Still she held his hand; even when he made to get up, she clung to it.

“Perhaps we should,” he said. “You stay here; the wolfskin is the warmest place. I’ll go back to the other side.” He got to one knee, seeking to rise, but her hand held him fast.

“No, Eyvi,” she said quietly. “Here, by me.”

His heart lurched. “You don’t understand,” he said. “It shames me to say it, but I see I must. I cannot lie here by you, so close, and not—and not—I’m sorry, I wish I could hold you and comfort you and not want you so much, but I have dreamed of you every night since we parted; I have thought of you every waking moment. So now, you see, I must sleep elsewhere…”