The bone-on-bone pain settled in my left leg joints, and lifting my foot over a branch, a log, even a lump of dirt sent a sharp stab through my groin. I let myself grimace. I let myself groan. I let myself drag my foot—all things I wouldn’t do around others. The silent forest was more home than Oma’s gable house or hut, more accepting than Sven. It was safety, where I could be myself without fear of judgment.

Two full bells passed before I reached a branch of Canal Vier—still frozen solid as though it were midwinter and not the start of autumn. As a seasoned schaatser I could tell the ice went deep. Almost to the very canal bed. Hardly a trickle of water survived beneath the thick frozen surface. Beautiful . . . but deadly. A smattering of trees lining the canal were brittle and brown. Their parched, dead leaves waved stiffly like one final plea for rescue. There hadn’t been enough rain through the summer to make up for the irrigation from the canals.

I sat down and pulled on my skates, warring within myself between ignoring the pain I’d caused to my city and owning up to it. It had been a mistake, like the wish I’d used on Pappje and Mutti. Like what happened to Coralythe’s sons.

How many mistakes was one allowed before they had to atone?

Who was the one doling out the grace? Who delivered the judgment? I wasn’t sure I wanted the answer yet. That’s why I needed to talk to Anouk.

My skates hugged my feet with a promise of strength and speed. I set aside my regret and guilt and stepped onto the ice with an exhale. This, at least, was one good thing that came from my raw wish.

Skating.

I hissed a breath through my teeth at the picture of two boys trapped beneath the glassy surface. Freezing to death. Suffocating. I couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t shut my eyes against the scene. A chilled, hollow feeling replaced my midsection. How had I come to this?

The snap of a branch beneath a shove of wind drew my eyes upward. Go. Just go. Like I did at the start of a race, I burst forward determined to leave any thoughts or emotions far behind.

The schck-schck-schck of my blades on the ice picked up a rhythm as I found my stride, as pain fled my body and fluid motion took over. Autumn leaves skittered along the ice, joining me in my dance. I didn’t know my exact location, but I understood the makeup of the canals, and it didn’t take me long to find the main snake. I followed it toward Fairhoven, where it would eventually cut through the heart of the city toward the schloss.

Fairhoven looked so different from what I’d left behind two months ago.