“Aren’t the Scholars supposed to know about such things?” said Nev. “Isn’t their entire party supposed to revolve around protecting the environment from zilfium engines, and mining slag, and—one would hope—anything that hurts silbercows?”

Lovisa wasn’t certain what mining slag was, exactly. Shouldn’t she know that, since her family owned a mine? “I’m pretty sure it’s just about money,” she said.

“Surely not for everyone?” said Nev. “Is it really that hopeless?”

“Yes. It’s why I don’t want to go into politics.”

“But shouldn’t we want people who care about something other than money to go into politics?”

“And do what?”

“Throw their weight around!” said Nev. “Get in other people’s way!”

“I’m—very small,” said Lovisa.

Nev smiled at her joke, slow and sweet. Lovisa found herself holding Worthy closer, warmed by that smile. She wondered how long she’d been walking through a world she knew nothing about. Her whole life? Was there a way to learn more than she’d been taught?

“You should come back to school,” Nev said.

“I’m thinking about it,” said Lovisa.

—

Lovisa did think about it. She thought about it constantly, but she couldn’t see what it would mean. Nev couldn’t protect Lovisa from the nightmare she’d be walking through, once her feet hit the ground in Ledra.

The next day, she went to the hill with the rock seat Saiet had shown her. She had Worthy with her as usual, and a rag, and a flask of milk. He never, ever, seemed to stop eating. Lovisa was getting quite proficient at wrapping his little bottom in diapers, for what went in, later came out. Who am I? she asked herself, every time she performed a diaper change. What would the girls in the dorm think of this? Would they think I’d turned into an eccentric, like Quona Varana?

When, on her hill, she stood and walked to the place where she could see the water, then realized she was waiting, and hoping, for silbercows to appear, she wondered what her school friends would think of that too.

The problem, she thought as she stood there, was that she wasn’t ready to go back, but it hurt, terribly, to be left behind. And as much as she was afraid that her brothers wouldn’t want her, she wanted them; she wanted to hold them, keep them in her arms. Tell them she was sorry.

It was a problem with no solution. Whichever path she chose would be harder than she felt she could stand.

She caught sight of an airship in the distance, crawling north along the coast. That was it, then.