I stood still, breathing hard, disoriented and lost. I was shaking from exhaustion, and felt sweat trickling down inside my clothes. I looked down at my feet. The ground was light now, the mist cleared. I saw only dust and tussock grass, and empty, windswept earth. No woman-stone. Nothing.

I sat down on a rock and stared without seeing at the ground at my feet. Never had I felt so empty inside, so utterly forsaken. Slowly my eyes focussed on a hole, overshadowed by a nearby rock. It was an abandoned rabbit hole, half filled now with dust and grass. My heart started to pound in my ribs, and my eyes blurred. Not daring to breathe, I crouched down and thrust my hand into the hole. My fingers closed around something hard, something that was rounded and smooth and hummed with firestone power.

Marvelling, I drew out my woman-stone, and blew the dust off it. If I could have flown into the air, singing, I would have. Instead, I knelt there on the earth among the tussock grasses, and wept.

The day must have been half gone when I stood up again. My feet were numb, and my whole body shook with cold. Inside, I was on fire. In a daze I went back up the valley, collecting my boots on the way, and on over the ridge to the town. And all the time I was amazed, half fearful of the thing I had done.

10

Visions and Vows

I WENT TO LIVE with the Quelled until my lord came back. Something had changed in me that day I divined, and I could no longer submit to the arrogance and scorn of the Chosen. I do not think I became proud; I simply chose to remove myself from the people who humiliated me. I lived in Ridha’s tent and kept Dannii company during the day, helping her with the children, with gardening and spinning and weaving. Sometimes I borrowed her old clothes and disguised myself as a miner, and worked in the mine a day among the firestones.

I was content and, for the first time in my adult life, happy. Dannii became my dearest friend, a sister, closer to me than anyone had ever been. In personality we were very different: she was disciplined, resigned, and uncomplaining. She had a serenity that I loved, and she laughed often. In many ways she was like Lesharo.

But in her spirit, she matched me. We shared the same dreams, the same vision and hope, the same love of myths, the same pain at being Quelled. There was freedom for me in her company. I could spread my most precious thoughts before her and know they were safe. There was no scepticism in her, no distrust or judgement or fear. Except for one thing.

I told her I had divined.

Lori had asked me if she could go hunting with Kallai by herself. I would not let her; I was the only human being he answered to. But I offered her my woman-stone to play with, and she skipped off with it, tossing it high in the air and singing.