“As ready as I’ll ever be.” Val continues to drive us to the other side of town, and I open my phone and click a new message to Mama. Over the years, I’ve made it my mission to keep my family life separate from who I am here. Who I have to be and who I have so easily become. It’s as though Papa saw the monster inside of me a long time ago and continued to feed it until it was ready to be unleashed.

“Mama,” I say when she answers almost instantly. “Bedtime?”

“It is. He’s all brushed teeth and ready for bed. Are you going to be back late tonight? I think Betty is staying over again.” I take a deep breath and count to ten. Betty is the only part of my old life that I brought with me into my new. She’s there for two reasons, but the main one is to keep me grounded.

“She will be there for a while, Mama. I’ll be back later. Put Wolf on the phone.” There’s shuffling in the background before a little snore noise. “Is that my favorite little wild one?” He giggles in the background. “Have you brushed all of your teeth?”

“Yesh!” he says proudly, stammering over his words. Wolf is ridiculously smart, but he’s just not aware of it yet. He will be, though. One day. Unfortunately. “I bwushed allllll of them too because Nona said if I didn’t I wasn’t allowed Christmas chocolate!”

I stifle a laugh, my eyes drifting out the window to the bright city lights and busy streets. Some people are running, some pushing strollers, and others obviously heading out for a night out. “Nona is right, my love. Santa always knows when you haven’t brushed your teeth!”

“Love you, Mama.”

“Love you, son.” I hang up my phone and take in ten deep breaths.

One.

Two.

The car rolls to a stop at a red light, but I keep my eyes closed, calming my racing heart. It only beats for Wolf and my family, and those people are not who I’m going to see tonight.

Three.

Four.

A loud rumble of bikes rolls to a stop beside us, and if they weren’t so fucking loud, I probably would have continued my counting. My eyes open and I turn out the window to see who, or what, dickwad is using his big, loud engine as compensation for his little dick, when I see around ten men, all idling beside me. The one closest to my mirror has a large body and tight rippled muscles as arms. His fingers flex around his higher handlebars and I read the patch on his back.

“That must be the patch over that’s happening tonight,” Val says with a grin.