“The reality is, the answers don’t make sense. Yeah, there’s some evidence that suggests Marley might have made Nick… take her life. It’s way more likely it was a terrible accident that can’t be erased, no matter what we do, or say, or create to try. There is no easy out. Why did we try to make one? Why did we automatically think the easy way was the best way? Are you noticing how many more questions we’ve created because we ignored the first ones?”

She held the box closer to her. “I look at this, and I can imagine Marley climbing up a tree behind City Hall and tucking the map into some little nook no one would ever think to see. I don’t care what Olivia did. I know in my heart that this all came from Marley. We all do. That’s why we’re here, regardless of whatever other reasons you all made up to explain to yourself why we’re all basically adults and we’re at the playground with flashlights and a box of pretend. We’re here because we love Marley, and we love Olivia, and we know the two are not that different.”

The grass under me bristled. I tugged at it, holding a handful, rubbing the dirt into my palms.

Ruby knelt. “Marley, the girl I loved so desperately. My first crush. My worst crush.” She laughed. “My biggest enemy and my favorite friend. A villain and a hero. All of the things any girl could ever want to be. Smart and tough and proud, staying friends with us younger Albany kids because she liked us better than the people in high school. She loved us, and we loved her, as imperfect as she was. But we missed how much she needed our help. We were too busy looking at other things to see it. The thing is, we all see Olivia. I know we do. I watched everyone’s faces when she came up with that broken nose. I felt the room sink away when she fainted.”

I closed my eyes.

There was an activity we did a lot at Camp Califree. In front of a small group, two people would stand and get a suggestion from the group leader. Something random, like hat. From there, they had to make up a scene using the suggestion. The only rule was that they had to agree with everything the other person did and said. The small idea was to help us see it’s okay to fail, and to trust the other people in our lives. The big idea was to help learn how to navigate conversations that might turn toward whatever sent us to Camp Califree in the first place. To help free us of the fear of talking about it. Or talking at all.