“We’re not friends.” He stares at me, his eyes darkening, and the most frustrating part is I can’t tell if he’s joking or under the delusion we’re actually buddies. My skin starts to feel like it’s made of wool, hot and itchy.

“We shouldn’t suffer grief,” he says, then slams his hand on the table. I tense, wondering if this will turn into a fight. “It should be our power to summon Charon, walk into Spirit, and take everyone back we’ve lost.”

“It’s not that simple, Roth. Even the Eurydice has limits.”

“You don’t think she would bring someone back to life if she could?” he asks.

I know she would. The real question is, does Roth?

“Is that why you want the Eurydice? To bring your father back?”

“My father?” He scoffs like that’s the most ludicrous idea in the world. “No. Never him. I’d have no power then. I barely have any now.”

There’s too much wrong with that statement.

“Being luminary isn’t powerful enough for you?”

“What is the luminary but a lawmaker? There’s untapped potential among the Valryn. We could rule the passage to Spirit, offer life and death, all with the Eurydice’s help.”

And just like that, I understand why he wants her, and it makes me sick. He wants her as a power play to control who lives and dies. To force people to bargain with him, sacrifice for him. He wants to play god.

“The Order won’t support that.”

Roth chuckles. “Look, Savior, I’m not here to ask your opinion. I’m here to see if you’ve considered my offer.”

The offer of commander—my dream.

I thought so often of what it would be like as commander. To stand beside my father, my arms banded with red thread, marking me as someone who’s earned the title.

And there is the problem. I didn’t earn anything.

“I thought you didn’t ask twice,” I say.

Roth’s smile is barely there. He stands, takes a final drink from his mug, and says, “I hate to see wasted potential.” Then he walks out the door with all the swagger of a man intent on ruling the world.

I sit in June’s for a long time after Roth leaves, thinking about what he shared. Who exactly did he want to bring back from Spirit if not his father? Roth had hinted at his weakness tonight, and I want to learn more about it before he discovers mine.

As I stand to leave, Jacobi enters June’s, and I know something’s wrong.