But it was a huuuuuge problem for Mom, “who always knows best.” But, because no one in our family really “fights” or “argues” out in the open, when Mom talked to Gram on the phone, she just kept saying things to Gram like, “Well, if that’s what you really want…”

And then she’d sigh.

It was classic, I’ll-be-polite-on-the-outside-even-though-I’m-not-happy-about-this-situation-on-the-inside Mom behavior.

(Mom should probably win an Oscar or something for how convincing she can be, except to people like you and me who can see right through her little act.)

Anyway, once Gram moved to Florida, Mom began laying the groundwork for her new plan.

After every phone call with her, Mom would say (to no one in particular) things like, “Something just doesn’t seem right with her…” Or, “I’m really becoming concerned about her well-being.”

You and I both know this is code for one thing. Mom was devising one of her I’ll-take-control-of-this-situation-one-way-or-another strategies.

So, she put her let’s-get-Gram-a-condo-near-us plan on the back burner and set OSSS into motion. It was a two-step rescue-and-recovery mission, with a very simple, straightforward objective:

1. Find just enough things in Gram’s new life in disarray to make a case that moving to Florida was a big mistake.

2. Bring Gram back to Illinois and get her that condo eight and a half minutes from our house before it goes off the market.

I know Mom really believes Gram needs rescuing. But what does she think? That she’s the Coast Guard? The National Guard? The I’m-gonna-save-my-mom-from-enjoying-a-new-life-in-Florida Guard? I mean, c’mon, Mom. Gram obviously doesn’t think she needs rescuing, so I say let her be.

The problem is that no matter how Gram is really doing when we get there, Mom’s going to “creatively” interpret the situation so that OSSS is a success. You and I both know this is just a nice way to say that Mom will make stuff up to fit her plan. And now, since I’m going with her, I feel like I’m an accomplice.

Besides not liking that I’m Mom’s little minion on this mission, I’m only slightly excited to visit Gram. And if you’re thinking that sounds terrible, then you must not remember the reason for my marginal amount of enthusiasm.

Gram and Grandpa lived pretty far from us, so we didn’t see them all that often. Since Mom and Dad were always tied up with work—and Tori, Annalise, and I were always busy with school and other stuff—there never seemed to be time for our family to make the eight-hour drive to visit them.

And that long drive was the same reason they rarely came to visit us, especially once Grandpa was diagnosed with his heart condition.