“What?” Amanda asked offhandedly, her nose busy in her own phone.

“Jax and me.” She tilted the screen for Amanda to read.

“Oh, shit. I shouldn’t have had them restore messages.”

“Yes, you should have. I want to know everything. It’s bad enough my brain has been erased—at least I have this to fill in some blanks.” She kept scrolling back as far as she could. Two months of back-and-forth that would read like hatred to anyone else. But Gretchen knew better, didn’t she? “I can’t believe this is us now.”

“It doesn’t have to be, does it?”

Gretchen read a message aloud. “I don’t care what you do, just show up and get Caleb on time. I wish I didn’t even have to depend on you at all.” She looked at Amanda, feeling sick with sadness and regret, but mostly denial. “This can’t be me. How could I have become this monster?”

“You’re not a monster.”

“Amanda, I told my wife I don’t care about her. The woman I will love until my dying day.” The sentiment of her words wasn’t lost as she lay back in her hospital bed.

“You’ve both been through a lot. You both changed. I’m sure Jax has said some pretty ugly things, too.”

“What happened between us? Do you know?”

Amanda hesitated before answering. “I don’t know specifics. You and I were just starting to get close, and I don’t think you felt like you could confide in me. Or maybe you just didn’t want to.”

“See! That right there. Why wouldn’t I want to confide in my sister? What did I do to make you think I wouldn’t?” Gretchen took consecutive deep breaths. She had been working on calming techniques since Dr. Melendez stressed the importance of not getting overly upset. But deep breathing didn’t stop her tears. “I stopped being a good wife, and I never even tried to be a good sister. I have no memories, but I am surrounded by the smoking wreckage of my life. God, what kind of mother am I?”

Amanda grabbed her hand and rubbed it between hers. “You are an incredible mother. Caleb absolutely adores you. Maybe this is your second chance to make everything else better.”

“I don’t think there’s a way to make things better with Jax.”

“You may not be able to repair your marriage, but you can become better people together.”

“I love her so much, and it hurts me every time she’s here because I know she’s counting the minutes until she can leave.”

“That’s not true.”

“We have—” Gretchen stopped herself and bit the inside of her cheek, trying to control her emotions. “We had the kind of love you really believe in, you know?”

Amanda’s grip on Gretchen’s hand tightened. “I know.”

“We fell in love in college, for Christ’s sake. How do you make it this far and then suddenly just walk away? What are our lives like now? Where is she living? Has she already moved on?”