‘To get beaten up by a gang of kids faster than I could shout “ASBO”? That’d do wonders for my self-esteem.’

‘Do you have to make a joke of everything?’ She shook her head, but smiled all the same. ‘I want you to promise me you’ll play with the boys at least once before you leave.’

Porter held up two begrudging fingers to his temple. ‘Scout’s honour.’

Kat bounced up and out from a sea of balls she had landed in and hopped over to his table. She slung herself into the chair next to him, breathing loud, but not hard.

‘You’re up, bro. I need to tag out for a spell,’ she said, slapping his thigh.

‘Two minutes. I promise.’

‘Clock’s ticking,’ she said, tapping an imaginary watch. ‘What’s new with you, then?’ She peeled away the stray bits of fringe that were matted to her sweaty forehead.

‘Not much,’ he said. ‘Busy at work, still. You know how it is.’

‘I know you need to get out more. Let your hair down now and again.’ She leant forward, ruffling his mop of hair like she would a toddler.

‘I do get out,’ he said, getting defensive. ‘I went to a leaving do just last night if you must know.’

Kat rolled her eyes. ‘Doesn’t count if it was just the work crowd. Unless …’ – she looked sideways at him through slitted eyes – ‘there are any hot young ladies on the force?’

Porter blushed, looking away, and Kat stabbed a finger towards him. ‘Aha! I knew it. I need a name, age, rank and star sign.’

‘His name’s Brian, aged forty-two from Watford, and he’s a Virgo,’ Porter shot back.

Kat screwed up her face, sticking her tongue out. ‘Well, if you won’t help yourself, let me help you. Girl sitting at your nine o’clock is single. Sarah, aged twenty-nine. One daughter, Sophie, a little sweetie. She’s never been married, and …’

‘Woah, easy tiger,’ said Porter, both hands up in surrender. ‘I’m all good, sis, honestly.’

‘What about the brunette in the ball pool?’ she said, ignoring him. ‘Anna, thirty-one, no kids, she’s just here as a semi-responsible adult with her nephew?’

‘Jesus, you don’t give up, do you?’

She shook her head proudly. ‘I’m like a dating version of the Terminator.’ She held out a hand to him, putting on her best Arnie accent. ‘Come with me if you want to love.’

That one really tickled him, and he came dangerously close to spitting out a mouthful of coffee. He had just managed to rest his cup back on the table when he heard the twins yelling his name. He turned towards the sound just in time for them to barrel into his legs.

‘Unclejakeunclejakeunclejake!’ Two excited voices blurring into one.

‘Hey, you two. Having fun?’

‘Will you come and play with us?’ said Tom.