Once, I did think Kit might be my person. I came to visit him on land that first year to thank him for saving me. I returned to the place where he’d helped me and when the sun came up I pushed myself on land and I let my pelt drop away. It was impulsive of me. But Mum wasn’t around to visit anymore and it seemed like a waste to let my land day come and go.

In retrospect, I was lucky. I had no idea where he lived, and I could have ended up aimlessly wandering the shore naked all day, but he found me. Walking down the beach alone, his head down, his rubber boots sliding against the wet rocks. He found me.

It wasn’t until I visited him the following year that I realised I’d found him too. That I’d come at the right time, when he needed someone most. I thought about staying on land with him that year, of wrapping up my pelt and putting it in a trunk. But Kit isn’t my person.

Then the next year, when he told me more about Thomas and the blood pact they’d done on that beach when they were eighteen, I realised Kit never could be my person, because he’d already given himself to someone else.

I was glad to realise it. I’d almost decided to stay. I wasn’t in love with Kit, but I loved him, and according to selkie norms I was supposed to find a human anyway, so why not just go with the best one I’d met? And Kit needed me. I made him happy, and he needed someone in his life to make him smile, more than just one day a year.

Murray says I’m afraid of commitment, but I don’t think that’s it. It’s just that I don’t like the idea of giving up my freedom. It terrified me when I realised I’d almost just resigned myself to it, even though I knew I didn’t want it. Handing over your life and crossing out all the infinite possibilities of your future for someone else is something huge. Something heavy.

I watched Kit deal with Thomas leaving. I watched my mum give up after Conor died. Letting someone have all of you? It just gets you hurt in the end. And I’m not big on pain.

Part of me wonders if it’s too late. Kit may not be my human, but I’ve definitely claimed him. I’ve started to get consumed. Even if I’m not in love with him, I’m giving up everything for him.

But at least, unlike Thomas, I never promised him I would stay. And he wouldn’t ask me to, either.

“Are you sure Kit is worth it?” Thomas asks me quietly. “Are you sure he’s worth your future?” His voice is the softest I’ve heard it yet.