My throat closed up, so I only managed a nod and a two-finger wave. Then I shut the door and started the engine. Truck filled with food and instruments, and possibly a T-shirt I’d stolen from August, heart left behind.

Cazzo.

Soon I’d be writing tragic country songs too.

I put on my shades and drove up the dirt road, over the crest, until the ranch disappeared from the rearview.

I released a breath and sniffled.

It took nearly nine hours on the road before I caught up with Nicky and the others on the bus.

They’d left Tennessee at the crack of dawn, whereas I’d dragged out my morning for as long as possible.

We stopped at a gas station to stretch our legs and get something to eat, and I could sense Nicky’s questions coming from a mile away. He chose to dive in when I walked off to a picnic area to have a smoke.

“How you feelin’?” he asked.

I shrugged and scratched my elbow. “Kinda numb at the moment.”

He nodded and sat down on the edge of the table.

I assumed we’d make another stop along the way, and by then, I’d need to put on a hoodie.

“For what it’s worth, I hope youse find a way,” he said. “It’s been ages since I saw you as happy as you were at the barbecue.”

I smiled faintly and exhaled some smoke. “My head’s fucked,” I admitted, hesitating whether or not to go on. But in the end, I wanted his input. “After Saturday, I kept thinking maybe I was falling in love or some shit. Even though it’s way too soon for that.”

That made him smile a little too, but it was too smug for my liking. “It doesn’t have to be, Anthony. Don’t let your, uh, advanced age fool you into believing everything that happens quickly needs to be slowed down.”

“My advanced—hey, fuck you.” I glared at him.

He laughed. “You know I’m right. People over forty spend their days telling the younger generation to slow down. Someone’s in love? ‘Oh no, this ain’t the one—you’ll have plenty of time for that later.’ Or, ‘Take your time. It could just be a crush.’”

That was it. I was gonna sell my brother.

I scowled to myself and took a drag from my smoke.

“I’m not saying you shouldn’t take the time to clear your head,” he went on. “In fact, that’s what I’ve already told you. But don’t dismiss the feelings either. That’s dumb.”

“You can be dumb,” I muttered.

He sucked his teeth. “On second thought, maybe you’re twelve.”

I flipped my fingers under my chin and left his messerschmitt ass behind.