The proprietor of the disco-off-licence and cheapest vapes on the Old Side lingered in his doorway as I walked past.

‘Yer barred!’ he sneered, once I had clearly passed him. ‘The baby ’n’ all!’

Part of me wanted to swing around and demand to know why. The other, wiser me knew that he was dying for me to ask so that he could reel off all the reasons he’d come up with. Instead, I stuck my chin in the air and walked right on home.

Daniel emerged from his study once we arrived back at the farm. ‘You need to call this number.’ He handed me a piece of paper with a phone number scribbled on it.

‘Why? Who is it?’ I asked, dread filling me instantly.

He smiled. ‘Nothing to look so worried about. Trust me. You want to call them.’

Maybe so, but I decided I needed a mug of tea and a piece of flapjack first.

‘Hello? This is Eleanor Sharpley. I got a message asking me to call you?’

‘Eleanor from Damson Farm?’

‘Um, yes.’ I supposed I was.

‘Oh wow! Amazing! Thank you so much for getting back to me, like so totally quickly? I know you must be completely inundated, which is why it’s such a total quest to track you down? Oh my gols, I still like, can’t even believe it? Oh, hang on, there’s Tamarind. Hey, Tammers! You’ll never guess who it is! Like, totally? It’s her, now, on the phone. Eleanor! No – can you believe it, she called me! I know! I know! … I know!’

‘Um, did you want something?’ I asked, because the caller might know, but I certainly didn’t.

‘Well, I know this is like probably a total hashtag fail already, but we’d be so happy just to go on the waiting list, if you ever have a cancellation – I mean, not likely, right? But stranger things have happened. So, could we put our names down? For like, four of us?’

‘Your names down?’

‘I know! I know! I’m cringing at myself even asking, but it took us so long to find the number of your assistant chappie, and you can’t have bookings indefinitely, like they must come to an end at some point? So, whenever that date is, put us down. The full retreat.’

‘The full retreat?’ Slow, I know, but my brain was still catching up with my ears.

‘Yeah, like the lifestyle reconfiguration one? Saskia said it totally changed her world! Like, that’s why she resigned from Hardman and Hanes and rebranded as an apple guru? Whatever she did, we want that one.’

‘Right.’ So wrong it’s right? ‘First of all, let me take some details, then I’ll figure out when we can squeeze you in.’

‘Yes! I’m totally down for squeezing!’

Five minutes later, I had a party of four booked in for a night on the May Bank Holiday weekend. I could hardly claim eight weeks wasn’t enough time to prep for a lifestyle regeneration retreat, given that for the previous one I’d had about eight minutes.