Today, there are two headlines someone cut out of the Post from earlier this month and taped up on the wall. The first reads, “L.I. Grandma Died of AIDS,” the second, “Junkie AIDS Victim was Housekeeper at Bellevue.”

I’m shocked I didn’t hear about those from my dad first.

I rip them off the wall and, behind those, there’s new writing in tiny print. The paper is creased in an odd way, so I have to smooth it out in order to see all the words. Of course, I get a paper cut in the process and have to suck the blood off before turning back to see what’s written.

I did it once with an older guy upstairs in a club and now I keep checking for spots. Shit. I’ve gotta be fine, right? I’m about to graduate high school, for fuck’s sake.

My hands start to shake, and I pull them back from the paper. Take in a gasp of air, and try not to hyperventilate.

Is this what the rest of our lives are going to be like?

The next time I see Gabriel at Echo, I ask about his past boyfriends.

None, he says.

Really?

None that mattered, no.

But you’ve been with other guys?

Yeah. And you?

Boyfriends? No.

But others?

No.

Oh, I’d assumed that you and James…

No.

Of course he’s been with other guys. No surprise there.

Not like I expected him to be scared like James or looking for a husband like Becky or cautious like me.

Of course he’s been with other guys.

Are you angry with me? Gabriel asks over the yearning sounds of Marvin Gaye’s “Sexual Healing.”

Of course not. Why would I be angry? I answer, only I can’t look him in the eye when I say it.

Michael?

I’m not angry. I’m just sick of Danni playing all these freaking love songs.

Michael?

Come on, let’s dance.

Before I leave, Gabriel tells me that when he delivered balloons to a synagogue on Park Avenue last weekend, someone gave him a hundred-dollar tip, and he wants to use it to take me to dinner.

I tell him he has to wait until after finals, but then. Yes.

Still, inside I panic. Dinner seems too formal.

This is what I’ve wanted, I remind myself. A chance for us to actually spend time together outside the club; a chance to get to know who he is in the real world. And so I say yes, because there is nothing else to say.

Gabriel promises to call me with the details, and I’m back to waiting.

For the first time, Connor invites me to join him and his friends at the Gay Pride Parade.

For a second, I consider it. But the whole idea of the parade seems overwhelming. Throw my brother into the mix, and it seems explosive. There is no way that’s going to happen.

But the idea of being there sticks in my head.

It won’t let go and I figure what the hell, I’ll go alone.