I let her words drop off and resist the urge to beg her not to leave. Sounds like a plan, I admit, but what about Andy?

She swirls her coffee cup, looking into it as if it will give her the answer to my question. She sighs and says, I figure I can’t miss him any more than I do now.

I don’t look at her when I ask, Have you thought of breaking up with him?

Sure, every time James suggests it. Not like I’m about to take relationship advice from him, though.

Why not?

Look. I love James, of course I do. Everyone loves James. But don’t you think there’s something a little bit… I mean, lately he can’t even get himself sorted out.

I used to think James was one of the most “sorted-out” people I knew. Maybe he still is. Maybe he’s the smart one, and everyone should hunker down and wait all this out.

I don’t want to judge him for being scared. I wonder how Steven is and wonder what James isn’t saying.

I wonder what it means for me when I’m so tired of waiting.

So, even though I’m hopped-up on caffeine and exhaustion, I find a way to keep my mouth shut. I’m sad that we’re starting to keep secrets from each other and have to wonder what James and Becky are saying about me when I’m not there.

I tell Connor I want to meet him for coffee, because I haven’t seen him for a while and dinner seems like too large of a commitment for him to make to me these days.

What are you going to owe me for this time? he asks, as if I can’t just want to hang out with my older brother.

Nothing, I only…

You’re the worst liar in the world, he says, but agrees to meet me at Astor Place, anyhow.

When I get there, Connor is spinning the Cube, a huge black sculpture that’s really called The Alamo, for some unknown reason, as James has told me more than once. I stand on the corner and watch my brother, running in circles, a childlike smile on his face that I haven’t seen in years.

On the other side of the Cube is a cute Black guy, his short hair dyed baby blue with that stuff they sell at Trash and Vaudeville. He keeps looking back over his shoulder at Connor, and now I understand my brother’s smile.

I wonder if I’m interrupting something or if they’ve just met, because Connor seems to have the ability to meet people everywhere: on the subway platform, in the store, once he even hit on a guy who came into his sociology class to discuss what it was like having a brother who was a priest.

My brother is an equal opportunity charmer.

This is Greg.

My brother introduces us. Makes some pointless joke about my needing to use him as a cover for whatever evil thing I’m about to do.