“The First Huntsman mentioned this too,” she said.

Emris smiled slightly. “But he doesn’t understand what it’s like. Not really.”

Lena nodded. Although the information itself was no surprise, it felt different hearing it from Emris. “You’re the Third Huntsman though. Isn’t that a position of trust? I thought it meant you were third in command?”

Emris shook his head. “It’s not quite like that. Like many of the other temples, Faul’s is a meritocracy up to a point—I’m the third most powerful huntsman in the temple. But even if one day I’m the most powerful mage in the temple, I’ll never be allowed to make decisions. I know that now—although I didn’t in the beginning. For years I aspired to a position of leadership. But it’s never going to happen.”

Lena sat silently, the sweat cooling under her clothes. Unlike Emris, she hadn’t imagined herself staying here. She hadn’t really imagined her future at all—not since Vigo’s version of it was laid to rest forever. But now she had to start imagining it, didn’t she? She looked across at Emris. She longed to be accepted for who she was, to find her place in the world—but it didn’t seem like that’s what he had found in the temple at all.

Maybe I won’t find it here either. Lord Chatham’s card flickered in her mind.

She shook the image from her head. She was growing to like Emris, and now that he’d told her something difficult, something true, she was even starting to trust him a little. If he said she should be afraid of Chatham, perhaps he was right. Besides, she couldn’t shake off the memory of how the man had looked at her before he’d known she was a Rogue, the mingled disgust and dismissal in his eyes, so familiar from her life in Duke’s Forest. “Where were you before you came here?” she asked, changing the subject. “The First Huntsman said you were old for a Rogue. He said it was impressive you were still in control of your powers.”

Emris nodded. “I lived in the north—the wastelands. I was an outlaw by the time my magic surfaced—like my father. I never knew my mother. I had to use my magic to survive, especially when my father was captured by the authorities. I spent years fending for myself, until the temples followed the rumors of a Rogue in the wastelands and captured me too.”

“I’m so sorry,” said Lena softly.

“Sometimes I think it was necessity that kept Chaos at bay, for me,” Emris continued. “I had no choice but to control it, in order to survive. And so I did, even though I felt its call and sometimes longed for its oblivion. Pure will is a powerful thing, Lena. You should take comfort from that—you’ve got a lot of will too.” He glanced at her, and she felt the conversation shift—as it always seemed to—away from Emris and back to her. “I think you’re going to be fine, Lena.”