Barrett fell asleep at home, leaning back in his recliner, to some college basketball game featuring two colleges he had never heard of before. When he woke up there was a copy of Pig Iron on his coffee table. One-hundred and seventy-two pages of computer paper, front and back. Attached to the front was a pink Post-it note.

if you ever tell me anything about it I will ruin your life

—A

I still love her, Barrett thought.

I’m so fucking stupid for that, Barrett thought.

•••

Harper had figured someone would ask her something about it sooner or later. Whether it was her friends, kids at school, or the police. She made the decision not to lie about anything but was too afraid to say anything about it unless prompted. She stayed in her room and cried a lot. Most people knew it. They let her stay home from school on Monday, and she stayed in her room. She ignored all messages or texts and stayed under her covers shaking. This was the last place he was alive, she thought, here, with me. He had me here, and it’s my fault he died. I’m a slut, a whore, a killer. That’s what they will say. That’s what I would have said if this happened to someone else. I would have and I would have meant it. I would have texted everyone about it.

I’ll be hated. People will look forward to seeing me so they can hate me in public.

No one knew he was here no one even really knew we were seeing each other like that but I thought he had told his friends don’t all of them tell their friends I never asked if he did I never told anyone. If we were dating only he and I knew that and I can’t believe he is dead.

I thought we were dating or we were going to go on dates I guess

No one knew he was here and no one has asked me what I knew or where he was.

If I told he was here who would I tell first and what would they think of me. If I told what would it change anyway. Would they blame me. If I hadn’t asked him he would be alive I didn’t want him to leave I wished he could stay but that’s not true I got him to leave but it was his idea it wasn’t just my idea

If I say that they would just hate me more

A whole town thinking I’m some kind of slut