each other as tight as we can to keep ourselves from accepting there’s nothing you can give a person that don’t take half of them away. I can see myself, eating alone at the kitchen table, wondering where he is, the nagging girlfriend, uptight and unreasonable, his laughter in the pub,

shrugging it off, me, sat there, feeling so self-righteous that even when he does come home I can’t show him that deep down I’m really fuckin’ happy to see him. And then the moody silences, and off to bed, and strange, private dreams, and waking up to the alarm going and kissing him goodbye without smiling and on and on until everything I want for myself is forgotten. Even if it feels good now, it’ll end in the same grey routine, the cozy choking afternoons. The unsaid words getting heavier and heavier ’til we don’t even fight out loud anymore.

And so here I am, in front of the class, and the classroom’s hot and I feel like I’m drowning and I walk out of the classroom. I open the door and walk out of the classroom. And the kids are shouting after me, but I ignore them. I walk down the corridor, I turn left, I walk down the stairs, kids everywhere, I swim through them, turn left again, the doors. I walk through the doors. I’m in the air. I’m outside. It’s raining gently. It’s good. I’m walking to the bus stop. I’m leaving. I’m making a decision. I’m changing things. This is it.

And then I’m coming in here and I’m ordering a drink for me and one for you, Tony, and I’m carrying them over to the table in the corner, and I’m staring at the pint and the

empty chair and I’m trying to remember the first time they served us in here. I’m taking a sip of my drink, and then I’m taking a sip of your drink. And I’m remembering your face, and I’m smiling to myself. It’s the weekend, Tony, the first weekend of the rest of my life.

Ted (like he might have said it a few times already) Charlotte?

Charlotte Alright, Ted. Sorry, I was miles away.

Ted Someone sitting here?

Charlotte No, go on.

Ted What, that not someone’s drink?

Charlotte Got it for, Tony. Silly innit?Ted No course not, not silly at all.

Charlotte You been to his tree yet?

Ted Yeah.

Charlotte How was it?

Ted Oh, you know, still there. You been down yet?

Charlotte Nah, not yet. Couldn’t face it. Came here instead.

Ted How’s work?

Charlotte Yeah, it’s alright. How’s yours?

Ted Yeah, ya know. Not bad.

Charlotte I miss him, Ted. Do you? Do you miss him?

Ted Yeah. Course I do. Charlotte

Ted But you know what?

Charlotte What?

Ted Of all the conversations we had, me and him, over the years and that, I can’t remember any of ’em.

Charlotte What d’you mean?

Ted Like, we spent years talking to each other, but I can’t remember a word we said.