As I took a sip of the sweetwine that Dagan had poured for me, Ummi eased down onto the blanket at my elbow, a fire-roasted fish filet in her hand.

“Are you nervous to go into Alu?” She picked at the meat.

“I’m not as nervous knowing you’re going to show me how to better protect myself.”

I knew some basics, of course. Dagan had shown me how to throw the dagger, though I usually failed to hit the target at all. My training as a healer meant I knew where to cut a man if he needed to die, though ever having to use that knowledge against someone seemed terrible.

“I can train you right now if you like.” She waved the fish toward the weapons.

“At first light, if you don’t mind.” I held up my cup with a small smile. “I’ve already drunk too much of this to be alert.”

And I needed to sleep. Sometimes my worries kept me up late at night. I’d stare out the window of my shared bedroom with Nanaea, gnawing my thumbnail, asking myself questions for which there were never any answers. Would I be the kind of healer my abum wanted me to be with a practice of my own, one I could staff with my own apprentices? Was Kasha eating enough? Was he learning enough? Nanaea would often startle awake and join me at the window, laying her head on my shoulder, and we’d sit, talking, until I felt sleepy enough to return to the pallet.

Were those days gone for good or would they be replaced by Dagan’s bed if I accepted his hand in marriage? And why wouldn’t I jump at the chance to do so? It wasn’t as though I didn’t love him. He was my favorite person, and I longed to enjoy the pleasures that marriage could bring. Heat rose to my face at the thought, and his strong shoulder brushing against mine made me hunger, low in my belly, for just that.

But the unfairness of the marriage laws between men and women needled me. Even though he’d never treat me unfairly, he could and would be supported by the laws if he did. It wasn’t right, but if I married underneath them, it would be as if I supported them. But what other option was there? I loved him and wanted to be with him forever.

Can we work it out as he said?

“You look serious, A-zu,” Ummi said, taking another bite of her fish.

I looked at her strong jawline as she chewed. She and the rest of the Koru had given up the entire idea of marriage for the honor of serving in the elite circle of warriors.

“I’m curious. Why must the Koru be unmarried while the regular Manzazu army can wed?” I shifted on the blanket, leaning back on my hand.

Ummi remained sitting tall. Vigilant, even as she took up her cup and drank. Every movement was precise. Ready. Waiting for signs of danger. “I’ve been a Koru since I was your age. As soon as I could be. So…a number of years. In all that time, I’ve only known the sarratum to make one mistake. And that was in not listening to your advice to go into Alu quietly.” She flitted her eyes up from her fish and settled them on me.