My eyes flick to the footnote at the bottom of the page.

(1) Merlin was born to a virtuous woman, a nun who was impregnated by an invisible demon. Prompt baptism saved the infant from the consequences of his diabolic parentage, thus redeeming the ‘strangely hairy and talkative child’ when he began to display unnatural gifts. Though Merlin inherited his prophetic and magical abilities from the demon (some reports suggest the wizard was sent to Earth by the devil himself), he used his supernatural gifts for good and devoted his life to furthering Arthur’s rise to power.

A bad taste rises to my throat and I start to shut the book, when my eyes are drawn to a paragraph further down the page.

In his later years, Merlin became infatuated with a beautiful young woman of Avalon. It’s widely accepted that this relationship led to his removal from the world, though there is some disagreement as to the course of events. Several twelfth-century texts suggest the woman tricked him, promising to return his affections if he taught her magic. But she used his spells against him, trapping him in a glass tower, or in some versions a tomb or cave.

Other texts claim the girl was pure and innocent in her intentions, but add that she was so alluring that the ageing wizard couldn’t be expected to resist her. These same writers point out that the identity of Merlin’s father was common knowledge and for any woman to have dealings with such a creature was to run a grave risk, it being known that the female desire for forbidden knowledge invariably exacts a sexual price.

A hot, sick feeling washes over me. One minute it’s the girl’s fault for being so attractive Merlin couldn’t be expected to keep his hands off her, and the next she’s to blame because she should’ve known to stay well clear of him. A footnote lists more than a dozen scholars’ names and I notice that they’re all male. Not a single woman’s opinion has been included and it makes me feel sad and angry, thinking of all the other female voices that have been omitted throughout history.

I don’t want to read any more of this tripe, yet somehow I can’t stop myself.

Various accounts suggest Merlin used demonic magic in an effort to make the girl return his affections, so determined was he to have her. It was this decision to call upon the dark power within him which led to his subsequent loss of reason and spiritual ‘entrapment’.

A sudden pain throbs at my temples. I rub my head and the book falls from my hand, landing on the floor with a thud. I reach to grab it, but I can’t see. Light flickers at the edge of my vision, turning the world white. The pain is searing, the light so bright it’s almost blinding. I slump onto the bed and press my face to the pillow with a groan. What’s happening to me? The light stops flickering as a rush of images and feelings flood my mind.