“Yeah, I did. I said I was fine.”

“Yeah, but that was a lie.” He tilted his head, watching her. “How are you really doing?”

Harper scoffed and looked away from him, smiling nervously. “How do you know that’s a lie? And why would I lie?” She shook her head. “Why would I not be okay? I mean, I only knew one of them, and I didn’t even really know the guy.”

“You are a horrible liar. Honestly. You’re one of the worst I’ve ever seen. Every time you say something that’s not true, you ramble and avoid eye contact.”

“I…” She started to protest, then sighed.

“Why don’t you want to admit how you really feel?” Daniel asked.

“It’s not that I don’t want to.” She stared down at the coffee in her hands. “It’s that … I don’t feel like I have a right to feel bad.”

“How do you not have a right to feel bad? You’re entitled to feel however you feel.”

“No, I’m not.” She suddenly wanted to cry. “Luke was … I barely knew him. His parents lost a son. Alex lost a friend. They loved him. They lost something. They get to feel terrible about it.”

She shook her head, as if that wasn’t what she wanted to say at all. “We exchanged a few really awkward, sloppy kisses last fall, and then I kinda blew him off.” She chewed her lip, trying not to cry. “I mean, he was a nice guy. I just didn’t feel that way about him.”

“Because you dated, and it ended, you don’t get to feel bad?” Daniel asked.

“Maybe.” She shook her head. “I don’t know.”

“Okay, let’s try this. Let’s forget how you should feel or shouldn’t feel. Why don’t you just tell me exactly what you’re feeling and thinking right now?”

“It’s not…” Harper swallowed hard, planning to dismiss Daniel’s question, but then she changed her mind. “I can’t stop thinking about his face when we found him. He had a maggot crawling on his lip.” Unconsciously, she ran a finger over her own lips. “Those were lips that I’d kissed.

“And I can’t get the way the bodies smelled out of my nose. No matter how much I shower or how much perfume I spray, I can’t stop smelling it.” Her voice got thick, and her eyes welled with tears.

“It’s his lips and face I keep picturing, but his body was all torn up.” She gestured to her own torso. “He’d been ripped open and … I just keep thinking how scared he had to be.” Tears slid down her cheeks. “He had to be terrified when that happened. They all did.”