Dear Ms. Martin [It started cheerfully enough]:

Per the rules that were delivered to you by our mutual acquaintance, Miguel Vasquez, it was stated quite clearly on page four, paragraph two, line twelve that there was to be no noise past the hour of nine o’clock at night. And yet, at approximately ten fifteen last night, a lone voice was heard to be belting out the old Irish favorite “Danny Boy.”

And just like that, my stomach bottomed out. I cringed, remembering that beer-infused moment when I had been convinced I was singing with the trees and the stars. I wondered how badly I had butchered the song and if this was grounds enough to get me ousted out of my house. I had become quite fond of it over the past week and didn’t really want to have to pack and move again. I glanced at the note and braced myself because there was more. Of course there was.

Because I and my staff were all accounted for at that precise hour and because you were seen on the gate’s security camera, singing the same song with a carful of people, I feel it is a safe assumption that the source of the noise was you.

I paused to stare down the drive at the gate. Was that the only security camera on the grounds? I mean, it made sense, you want to see who is swiping your packages these days, but it made me wonder what else was on camera around here and perhaps I needed to rethink not pulling my drapes closed. Hmm.

In the future, please refrain from singing after the hour of nine. In fact, if you could curb the need to sing at all, that would be much appreciated.

—Gratefully yours,

Daire

Well, that last line was just insulting. Granted, I was no Beyoncé, but I wasn’t exactly an alley cat sitting on a fence either. I sipped my coffee and pondered my response, because of course there needed to be a response. I couldn’t let his aspersions upon my singing go unchallenged.

I stood and stretched. I supposed I should be grateful that he hadn’t evicted me. I knew if I could just meet the old coot, I could probably win him over. I was a very good listener and I genuinely liked people. Surely the old guy and I could find some common ground. I just needed an introduction.