“No!” I cried. “Why would you even think that?”

“Because he’s your social fallback plan, and you spend an awful lot of time together for people who are no longer married,” she said.

“We’re friends with benefits,” I said.

“You don’t need him as a friend, and you’re not doing him any favors by offering him benefits. You’re keeping each other dangling. It’s not healthy for either of you.”

“We’re not dangling,” I said. “We agreed that we can date whoever we want.”

“And yet neither of you do,” she said.

“You don’t know that,” I protested.

“Please,” she said. “I’ve been on this ride before. Neither of you is seeing anyone else, but you don’t belong together and you know it. You need to stop picking the lowest-hanging fruit.”

“Did you just call Jeremy an apple?” I asked.

“I think of him as more of a peach, easily bruised,” she said. “Your entire relationship was spent with you protecting him by doing everything for him because he’s so socially inept, albeit lovable. You were like a lawnmower wife, moving every obstacle out of his way. Do you really want that for the rest of your life?”

“I didn’t—I’m not—” I protested but she interrupted.

“Yes, you did and you are,” she declared. “You’ve run interference for him his entire adult life, even when you were married to the big disappointment, who also used you to prop himself up. And then what did the BD do? He left you—just like Jeremy did when his mother stamped her foot hard enough. Time to break the pattern, my friend.”

“I . . .” I slumped against the wall. Is that how she saw it? How she saw me? I didn’t know what to say.

“Come to Phoenix,” Sophie insisted. Then she made a weird burbling noise. “Do you hear that? That’s me motorboating a margarita as big as my head. Come. To. Phoenix.”

I heard another splash and decided, since I could no longer feel my toes, the tips of my ears, or my fingers, that I really did hate her.

“I love that you’re asking me,” I said. “But—”

“Don’t say no!” she ordered. So bossy! “Promise me you’ll at least think about it.”

“Fine, I’ll think about it.” I wasn’t going to think about it. “Now I have to go. Miss you. Love you.”

“Miss you. Love you, too,” she echoed. “Say ‘hi’ to Jeremy for me, you know, before you tell him you’re leaving him for me.”